heaven knows

Yup… in a blink of an eye or maybe 2 eyes, the semester is almost coming to an end since now it’s already Week 11. Which means that the Grand Finale of Biomedical Science May ‘10 is approaching. I don’t know if I should be scared or relieved. LOL… but all in all, it was a good run.

 

My tutorial group had our convocation pictures taken last Thursday. Introducing, group 3 of Biomedical Science Graduating batch of May ‘10.

Well, it’s back to the streak of tests again. 4-5 more tests to go before the finals… last stretch of the race  =)

Yet another hectic week. It didn’t seem too hectic at first during the start of the week…till Wednesday came and I started to panic for my test. The funny thing was, I didn’t think that sleep and panic would go together, but they did eventually. LOL… I overslept and didn’t manage to finish reading the syllabus covered in the test. Another brilliant stunt which I haven’t tried pulling and this would be the first and hopefully the last.

 

Ok…the symposium last Sunday…

The waiting part was gruesome. Watching other participants getting shot by the panel of judges was pretty intimidating. All the UTAR participants got their equal share of getting shot down. So did I. But I got more of comments rather than questions. Pretty productive and beneficial I would say. Those comments gave me some pointers to include and improve my thesis. Hehe… So it’s all good. LOL

 

I got to meet up with some old friends this week. Met up with Zhao for lunch and movie, and also met up with Li Shan and May Yee after so long. I was quite happy to see them again and to talk about old times and also catch up on what we’re all doing now. Makes me feel old since we have so many old stories to tell each other. Haha… But it was good. Had a good time with both company. It’ll be good to do it again soon but with others as well.

 

I just realised that I sort of swamped myself with work. I scheduled too many things to be done and completed in a short period of time in order to buy more time for upcoming events. Hmm… is it a smart move or a bad move?? ‘Cause I’m barely getting sleep.

 

Speaking of sleep… I find that I’d rather stay awake nowadays than to sleep. No doubt I feel tired and drained and my brain is fried, but I would try to stay awake the best I can with minimum sleep. Yeah, I’m trying to adopt the “I can sleep when I’m dead” concept. I’m not too sure how it is working for me though. Should be getting more work done that way. And the whole point was to kill my brains so that it would not function to think of unnecessary stuff. It’s good to numb it all…

The weekend is approaching… which means that the Symposium is almost here!! I’m literally terrified of that thing. Seriously. I term it my public humiliation day. I’m just praying hard that it’s going to go fine and that I won’t get shot down by the panel with their intelligent questions.

 

Other than that… same ol’ same old. In and out of classes everyday. Assignments, thesis, reports…the usual. With all this going on, I find myself resorting to “happy” songs in hopes to cheer myself up at the end of the day or in between things. My definition of “happy” songs would be songs whose lyrics are of hope, being happy, about life…stuff like that. Most importantly, the music must be good too. Essential for a music junkie like me. LOL… And they’re SUPPOSE to CHEER me up. Whether they actually work… that’s another question right there.

 

Over time… I find that ignorance to certain matters can be pretty stupid as it doesn’t help to alleviate the problem at all. Dumping it aside only allows it to set in with time and then, the full effects gradually shows. In fact, I’m kind of missing it more than usual. Mind over emotions?? Can we really?? Definite subjective matter…

It has been a pretty long week although time passed in a blink of an eye.

 

Yup, time do tend to pass faster when you’re piled up with work and study plans. In fact, 24 hours never seem enough. Always wishing for more time to cramp in that extra study time or to finish up assignments and reports…or to SLEEP!!

 

Back to the topic about this whole week… now that the week is at its end…

I had 2 tests scheduled for this week. Initially, they were on Wednesday and Friday. Friday’s paper was obviously much easier to study for, so the one day gap wasn’t such a bad idea. Then… came the news on Tuesday that Wednesday’s test was postponed to Thursday. Which doesn’t leave me much time to study for Friday’s paper. Yes, I managed to put myself into that kind of stupid situation…always. But yeah… I studied for both subjects anyway, with minimum time allocated for sleep…let’s say, about 3-4 hours a day or night (day: refers to the accumulated hours of sleep during that day)?? I’ve been depending on caffeine (either in tea or coffee) to keep my mind and my body awake and moving. So… I was pretty much sleep deprived throughout the week.

 

Then… I went for another Wii party yesterday. Obviously I went in my “sleep deprived” mode. Although the test on Friday was in the morning and that was my only class, but I killed time by working on my assignment, having lunch with friends and fixing my car. I was still working on my Project Presentation when I was in my friend’s place. Now I feel like a typical workaholic. LOL… Half true. The work never stops and never ends.

 

Note: All this stress and workload has rendered my brains less efficient. It explains why I ended up answering my friend’s phone in an upside-down manner. Priceless…

 

Next week… Will be dread-filled fear-filled. My presentation is next weekend!! I can feel my stomach flipping over and doing cartwheels everytime I think about it. Plus, I have to put in time to study for my tests again… ARGH~!!!

 

DREAMLAND/LA-LA LAND… I’M SO SORRY THAT MY VISITING HOURS WILL BE EXTENSIVELY SHORTENED FOR AT LEAST A FEW MORE WEEKS

 

Best news I’ve received so far this week… My one and only class on Monday has been cancelled for the coming week. Which means… unofficial holiday. Which also means… extra time to do my stuffs. But doesn’t mean… that I have more time to sleep or waste away. Interesting…

Yes!! Yesterday was officially sway/sial day.

 

Firstly…

My endurance was being rebellious and refused to listen to the host/owner. Thus, I decided to stop at the 2nd peak of Broga Hill. Such a let down as compared to the hike during Gunung Datuk. But the view and overall climb/walk was great and refreshing. As expected…loads of people were there when it was about 6/7-ish. Literally crowded.

 

Second…

I opened my email after coming back from Broga… then I saw… the email from the Biomed club of UPM. My ‘forced’ entry of my project into the Symposium that they’re organizing has been accepted. WHAT THE CRAP!!!! How could my simple and messy work be accepted?! Now I have to prepare for the presentation/public humiliation session on March 14. Just when I was discussing with the other 2 students who were also ‘forced’ to enter about this… saying that we don’t hope to get it. In the end… sigh…

 

Third…

I went out for a late dinner with my family. Went to one usual shop that we always go to. And… I saw “the b******” there with his family. And it made me remember all the littlest, stupidest moments that I had last time.

 

It was definitely SWAY/SIAL day yesterday. Hope today and the coming weeks will be better…

And as it comes swifting in, it drowns me… it always does

 

My eyes are painted red

The canvas on my soul

Is slowly breaking down, again

Today I heard the news

The story’s getting old

When will we see the end

Of the days, we bleed, for what we need

To forgive, forget, move on

Cause we’ve got

 

One life to live

One love to give

One chance to keep from falling

One heart to break

One soul to take us

Not forsake us

Only one

Only one

 

The writings one the wall

Of those who came before

Left pictures frozen still, in time

You say you want it all

But whose side you’re fighting for

I sit and wonder why

There are night, we sleep, while others they weep

With regret, repent, be strong

Cause we’ve got

 

One life to live

One love to give

One chance to keep from falling

One heart to break

One soul to take us

Not forsake us

Only one

The week of the Chinese New Year holidays is coming to an end…more like a screeching end. I’m undecided whether I’d prefer the holidays or for the semester to start again so that everything would be done faster. Eventhough it’s CNY, there’s still lots of things to do… assignments, report, thesis, and…catching up on the syllabus for tests. Such a pain… Sleeping doesn’t help to remove my dark circles anymore. How sad…

 

I was fine when I woke up today. Till I bent over to touch my dog and suddenly I felt the nice “twist/sprain” happening to my neck. Thus, I now have a stiff neck which is highly irritating. But… I went for badminton anyways with the painful neck and agitated it more when I was playing. Felt totally “great”… especially when I got charged at and rammed again by the same person.

 

***

 

Hmm… I once thought that that chapter has closed. Only to learn that it doesn’t always close completely. It’s like a darn virus… although it’s not active and causing you all the nonsense, it doesn’t mean that it’s not there either. It’s probably in a dormant state, waiting for the right time to cause another round of nonsense till it gets the best of you.

 

I have… stopped trying to make sense of things or even trying to reason out as to why some things happen. Just keep saying that “yeah, it’ll all be ok, it’s alright. no worries about it”. Really??? I, as the first person of the picture, have no idea/clue what-so-ever. But… I can safely say that this is as far as it goes and I’m done trying.

 

“Light up, light up

As if you have a choice

Even if you cannot hear my voice

I’ll be right beside you, dear

Louder, louder

And we’ll run for our lives

I can hardly speak, I understand

Why you can’t raise your voice to say…”