heaven knows

my life in grey

Tuesday was a highly demotivational day!!! Because Genetics was a big messed up paper. Argh...!!! There goes the hope of even getting a B. Sigh... I guess I'll have to start thinking about Kampar already. Woe is me...

Anyhows, I've been trying awfully hard to keep my head in the exams and prevent it from self-destruction. Information overload...situation lost control (just like how Katy Perry sings it. Hahahaha!!!) I think concentrating is a moderately difficult issue for me now. Geez....

I've been studying from 10.30am till 5pm straight with only 1 hour break. And after every hour or so, I need to slap myself to bring my concentration back to my "beautiful" notes. Officially, I have about 17 chapters/stack to finish before Saturday 2pm. Isn't life great??


Anyhows, I've been looking back at some old pictures. And I notice the vast difference in me back then and now. Back then, I can see my skin barely covering my shoulder bones. Now all I see is flesh!!! What the crap!!! Fat!!!! Oh...another dose to the state of depression. ~pfft!~

Apart from noticing that I'm becoming a cow, I also noticed that I've been out of touch with lots of people whom I was previously close to. And I really miss the old times when everyone was still around. And of course, the academic stress wasn't that great. Now it's crazy.

Ok, back to the point. I'm really missing a lot of people. Like really really missing them and am wondering what they're up to now. Of course, my business was a big contributor to my constant absence as well.
There are times when I don't reply smses or calls or emails. Well... it's not because I don't want to but more like I don't have the time for it some times. And when I get the time for it, it always slips my mind. My blurness and forgetfulness is rather distinct I would say. So, forgive me if I never returned any of your smses or calls or emails. Time really gets ahead of me while I'm trying to keep up.

So, hopefully, this coming holidays I'll get to make up to some and meet those whom I'm lost contact with in a while. There are loads of people and some are even miles away.

This is what happens when studying turns your life around. Welcome to the life of a Biomedical Science student. What the crap!!

Loads of things to do this coming holidays. But I'm still looking forward to them 'cause it's the only break that I have. *sadness level approaching maximum*

I'm hooked....

I can't stop
Don't care if I lose
You are the weapon I choose
These wounds are self-inflicted
I'm going down in flames for you
You are the weapon I choose
These wounds are self-inflicted
One more thing I'm addicted to
*katy perry ~ self-inflicted*

Finals is just...3 more days away. Oh crap!!! I'm so not prepared. I wonder why I put myself through this misery. Even when I sleep I keep thinking of how to study so that I can cover all my syllabus in that few measely days in order to not fail...I hope. On top of that, I now have to contemplate whether or not to go for meeting on the 11th of May when I have my last paper on the 12th morning.

Option 1: I go for the meeting and make myself useful to my campus and TRY my best to benefit the students....and I burn my last paper.

Option 2: I don't go for the meeting, forget about what's going on in campus and save my own neck from failing the last paper.

And this time, there's no in between. What the crap!!!

***
On an entirely different note...
The heat today was out of this world. I'd compare it to the heat in Sahara desert IF I've experienced it. But still, the heat has outdone itself.
I think I'm more or less burning today already. 1st of all, I woke up super late... 'cause I stayed up at night to study till about 5am plus. But I still blame myself for waking up late and wasting my morning. *sob sob*
Secondly, when I tried to study in the afternoon, the heat made me lethargic and there I was sleeping again after reading for about 1 hour only. *bummer*
Now, I'm wasting time again blogging because I'm frustrated that I can't get myself to concentrate. I know I'm so contradicting myself.
Anyhoos... I need a seriously effective weight losing plan. All the studying has gotten me to put on shameful weight and I can't lose it so as long as I'm still studying. Why?? 'Cause as soon as I eat, I have to continue studying... And logically I can't study standing up now can I? And I study throughout the day...everyday. Go figure how my brains can take it. You'll be amazed and win yourself a Nobel Prize. And then I'd have to remember your name for Neurobiology. What the crap!!!
Holiday oh holiday... you are so near yet so far. Come closer!!

I have officially studied for 6 hours today (not inclusive of time for lunch).

I'm super tired now. More like my brain is tired. I have 2 options:

Option 1: I continue studying and TRY to cover as much as I can and sleep a whole lot later but wake up earlier.

Option 2: I succumb to my tiredness, give up on trying to study as much as I can and just accept the fact that I have a high possibility of going to Kampar next semester.

... DILEMMA ...
I think.... I might just fall in between both the options.

The weather/heat is a freaking menace!!! Thanks/no thanks to it, I have decided to cut my hair short. Believe it or not, I didn't really have in mind how to cut my hair and I was so frustrated with the heat that I told the hairdresser, "I don't care how, just cut my hair short. So as long as it's manageable and short and doesn't look like s*** then it's fine." Yes... so desperate.



The guy even asked me if I was going to cry cause my long hair will be gone. Fortunately, I don't find the need for tears just because my hair is being chopped off. It's not all that dramatic as what you see in the America's Next Top Model.

So yes, this is my new haircut...for now. Still not sure whether I'm going to remain it this length or grow it long again.





The heat is also causing me to become more and more lethargic. Meaning that I can barely study although I'm in my room with the air-cond turned on.

CRAZY HEAT!!!
Genting Highlands or Cameron Highlands or Frasers Hill is looking awfully good in my head now. *sobs sobs*
*edits*
Did I mention that the heat has caused me to go a little crazy as well?? Yes, my level of craziness has just hyped up another level.

I have no determination or mood to study at all. ARGH~~~!!!!!

This is so not good. I feel as though I'm on my holidays already and the finals has yet to start. Pfft~!! I'm delusional.

I have officially burnt 2 days and about to burn the 3rd if I don't start putting some gas into studying or at least read something. Although my conscience of not studying is eating me up, my laziness is dominating. Sigh.... To make it worse, now is not a good time for me. I'm constantly in and out of the house to help my mom cause my whole family is busy running around. And I can't sit still long enough to study. I always end up finding other things more amusing to do than to study. I'd rather play FreeCell than to study. Imagine that!!!

SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!

I.... just.... lost.... almost.... all.... my.... determination....

Today has got to be one of the most unfortunately day that I've had.

First of all...some of my test results were out and of course, thanks to ********** I didn't do so well in the tests. So yeah, I'm kind of pissed off at myself for that.

Then...the most brilliant thing happened. Some nigerian dude banged my car when I stopped at the traffic light. The guy so caught me on the wrong day. Just when I'm so pissed off and frustrated, this got to happen. So, I got out of the car immediately, in the middle of the wrong and scolded him without hesitation. I can't help it, I'm pissed already..plus additional enhancers to boost my anger level.

And trust me, when you're in the wrong, it's not smart to say, "look at my car also, it's quite bad too". At this point, I wouldn't give 2 cents about the other person's car.

And....this also teaches me that Malaysian cars are tin kosong. Here bang, there goes the car...

This was the car that banged my car. The front bumper came out and the bonet smashed in a bit. Both lights are completely smashed.

Oh my poor car. The dent....

To add to the situation, the dude was busy worrying that I'm a racist. What the heck!! "Just because I'm black...bla bla bla.." I wouldn't be worrying about the presence of absence of a racist problem at that point.

End of the day...compensate me RM300.

Final lesson: Don't mess with me when I'm in a bad mood...It definitely won't be pretty to watch cause I have no mercy.

Another funny thing was... Just not too long after I got into the car accident, Tjun Kong got into 1 too but in different areas of course. And his was more severe that his car got to be towed. So, the meeting which was suppose to be at 6pm today, got canceled because both of us got involved in car accidents at the same time. How big a coincedence is that??