God is truly good =)
As the Song Writing/Composing Competition is nearing its closing date, I feel like time is running out. I've even thought of the possiblity of me writing the song myself using my own music background. Thanks to rustyness and my feelings towards theory... of course it seemed somewhat like a stupid idea. But I know something was needed to be done, thus, I resorted to myself... I actually started writing the lyrics already.
Trust me, it's not the lyrics that is difficult. It's the music. I was thinking over and over again how to do it. It's like contemplating whether to jump or not to jump from a building. But the situation was: Jump of course die. Don't jump also die. Meaning Die-Die situation.
But...But....BUT... I got a call this afternoon from a guy. And this guy told me he wanted to send in his entry for the competition. HALLELUJAH!!! So yeah...glimpse of hope.
Definitely thank God for it. Really answered my prayers in my time of need.
Teaches me more to have more faith in Him and do His work.
The feeling of having too many things in hand.... TIREDness
Now to think of it, December ain't going to look so good. I see more of my time being booked to do work. What the NONSENSE!!!
The only good news for today is that I got work again. So expecting to get money again. Temporary happiness again. Then long term sadness due to lack of sleep which leads to frustration which leads to bad tempers which MIGHT lead to viciousness. So yeah...
So which ever stupid monkey that tells me that I'm free, I'm going to kick the daylights out of that monkey. Be smart people...
Today I would say is pure madness.
Went back to campus to hand in some documents and then realized that I forgot to take my overdue books with me to return it. So I drove all the way back. Went out for lunch with mom and took her to the bank to settle some things and then drove back to uni. Technically speaking, I haven't been driving all day. But logically speaking, MOST of my time was spent driving. It's crazy having to get stuck in the same jam twice in the same day. Horrigible!!
Okayz... La La land calling me already. Way past my BEDTIME.
I've finally watched.....
Yes, Madagascar 2.
I would say it is better than the 1st one. Super funny. I don't want to give any spoilers to anyone who hasn't watched it yet. So, go watch it for yourself and see how funny and lame it can get. It got me hooked into the song... "I like to move it move it..."
Besides that, I'm waiting to watch Quarantine. Who has the guts to go watch it with me?? Since I've got quite a few friends who can't take this kind of movies. Haha...
Fuhh... after doing the Christmas cell deco for quite a while, it's still not done yet. More work to do on Sunday after service. Sad...
Although I've known for a very long time that Subang's jam is one of a kind, today was the worst I've been in so far. It was at a stand still. Even the alternative route was jammed up. It's beginning to be a serious problem...especially when it's raining.
Plus, jams gets the passengers and the driver going crazy. Like super crazy. Till they decided to change everyone's names into some lame names.
e.g. JOHNSTON >>>> Muthusamy
JOHNNY >>>> Dollah
Don't ask me the rationale behind the naming when it was deemed "suitable" by Ton ton. Ask Mr. John-ton to explain... right Johnston??
What was supposed to be a 20mins trip/journey became a 2hour journey. Isn't that interesting...??
Today was suppose to be my free day =(
Obviously I took the opportunity to sleep more. But the moment I woke up, I remembered what I had to do...my proposal. This is what happens when your whole committee is busy with their own internship...you do everything on your own. Oh well...
Just today, I got good news. Hehe... My "driver" is coming back from Australia. So happy...
Now I'm....
Tired of some things.
Trying to sort out some things.
Missing some thing.
Keeping it down under and cool.
Need to keep my eyes, heart and mind focused on that thing that I discussed with my mom yesterday. Need to take it to the next level the best I can.
I went to renew my passport today. Just in case I'm going to Singapore again next year. Hehe...
As usual, the immigration department was packed with people. However, having the new passport with the chip is an added advantage above the rest. Haha... I just went straight to the kiosk to renew. It was simple and fast. I got my new passport in 2 hours time. Plus, the officer that was there to help me was very nice. He joked with me when the machine didn't take in my money. Haha... Oh well, bottom line is, things were done in a jiffy when lots of other people were still waiting there for their turn. Hehe...
Because I had to go renew my passport today, I slept extra early last night. Obviously so I can get up early and have the energy to NOT zombie around the huge crowd. But... Sigh... I never would have thought that I would get a call at 3am from a person who's crying.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.... If you're gonna call me and tell me that you want to die, then don't bother wasting your money by calling me cause I will tell you to go right ahead.
Although I'm normally patient in this sort of matter such as helping people sort out their problems and all, any NOOB will get frustrated when you're calling in the middle of the night. To add to that, whatever I said was like the wind rustling past a person's ear... it doesn't go in the head. OMG man... I don't mind listening. I don't mind advising. But for heaven's sake and for MY sake, please have some consideration next time.
Consultation hours: 11am - 10pm ONLY
Now, let me explain some simple things...
If you've already put the thought of suicide in your mind, and you don't plan to do it, then don't say that you want to. Because God knows and I know that you will never do it. Psychologically speaking. So, isn't it wasting time to say it out and moan about it??
And... if you're looking for someone to comfort you, please take in whatever the person has got to say... especially when it is IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. There I was sleeping soundly away that I didn't even realize I picked up my phone when it rang and was talking to the fella on the other side already for quite some time. Seriously, I can't remember what I said. So yeah... but it shouldn't be anything stupid. I think that whole time that I was "unconciously" talking, I was probably listening to the story more. My mind was half awake. What do you expect?! Anyways, as usual, I gave my advice as I see appropriate... but... I don't think it went through to the other person. Cause I was asked to listen to part of the story and all that. And... that part of the story was unnecessary to be heard especially at such an hour. You'd think that at such an hour the person would cut the story short and get to the point.
I had to do it. If not, I would be awake till this morning, listening. What else can I do but cut the person off and tell the truth that telling me so and so will not help the situation and bla bla bla...
Dude... consideration PLEASE... not that I don't want to help. I'm always willing to help. But at the correct time. Seriously...
Now I'm seriously considering a change in my major. I should have done Psychology like what I had in mind before I came in to UTAR. After much rejection from my dad last time, now he's agreeing to the point that I'm suitable to be in Psychology. A bit too late right? Slowly wait... I'll make it my 2nd degree.
P/s: If you feel SOMETHING by reading this post, please understand that I don't mean that I don't care/won't listen/take it as troublesome/bothering. It was only the time factor that got me frustrated.
Note: I do not charge. Thus, don't expect too much from me as I'm not 100% qualified. So, I WILL ask you to kill yourself if you persist with the idea. Only when you pay the person, either a Psychologist/Psychiatrist, they won't ask you to kill yourself.
I think the Yuen genes are starting to kick in like what Johnny said. Here's the explanation why...
I went to eat seafood with my family. After eating... me, my dad and my bro wasn't full. Actual fact, we wiped out everything clean. So I decided...hehe....round 2. KTZ. One of my favourite place... eat what I love to eat. The Kiwi Loh and my seaweed roll...again. Haha... (thanks to Kelvin and Ivan for tapau-ing the seaweed roll on friday...hehe) So, I'm hoping that I won't gain weight AGAIN since I like to eat all sorts of food. Haha... Its a blessing to be able to eat like this ok?
After this morning, I'm confirm going for Youth Camp. Don't know whether it is a good or bad thing. Must pray on it.... And also bring my survival kit. I'm going there to rough it. Sigh...
I've made up my mind clearly. After this month, I won't touch anything regarding SRC/ and UTAR stuff. December is going to be my month to enjoy. I'm not going to fill my holidays with the STUPID event and work myself up. My eff-ing time doesn't belong there especially when it's not worth it. So yeah....toodles~!
let me just lose grip on things a little bit so that I can fall back and enjoy the breeze~
I waited for the clock to show that it has pass 12am to start blogging again so that it would look like it's for the next day =D
Lame...I know.
Truth: I just watched finished the whole Blood+ series. Such a touching ending for a blood filled anime. *sobs*
You'll be amazed how I finished 50 episodes of anime in just 5days. That's how addicted I can get to stuff.
Sudden no mood at the dinner table. Started to be gloomy. *slaps self* "Oi!! what's this?! very fun is it being like that?" "positive a bit please, world haven't end yet" Comes back home, runs to room and hugs teddy bear...then....watch anime.
-sounds crazy??-welcome to the daily life of Pearly Yuen~
Losing it...
Study also losing it...don't study also losing it.
How now??
Please tell me how.....
I'm obviously not the type that can sit at home and stare at walls. I need to do something or go somewhere. How?? HOW...??
sleep.
Absolutely no comment about the talk yesterday. I had no idea that we went all the way there just to be asked to sit in the lobby area and look at the live projection of the talk. Interesting....
But... we did manage to get a picture with Dr. Mahatir's wife. Apparently Ivan got more pics...
That aside....
I went to Raub today to visit the Youth Camp campsite. Seriously not what I had in mind. It was an NS camp. Like literally. Super ulu place with lots of bugs. OMG... We went there in a van. Highly uncomfortable van. Me, Samantha and Johnny thought we were about to be poisoned from all the carbon monoxide that we breathed in inside the van. For some reason, it seemed like the exhaust gases were flowing back into the van. On top of that, all 3 of us sat in the van thru and fro till our butts hurt. The ride was bumpy...super bumpy. We were like coke bottles being shaken. All we needed was to wait for the time where we got sick. Thank God non of us did...especially me. Have to be super prepared for Youth Camp this year.
Today it really got me.
I thought I had the chance. I thought the opportunity was coming right to my doorstep. I was excited. I never felt happier in such a long time. It was like brand new hope all over again. It was practically speaking my dream out loud. My Dream....
It was gone sharp at 7.18pm today. I never felt so crushed before. That sparkle of joy and hope was gone in a blink of an eye literally. I really found it hard to smile, hard to laugh...even at the best joke you can throw at me. Everything was drained out instantaneously....
I'm really, truly, extremely disappointed and sad.
Really sorry to my friends who were there to see that split second change in my emotions.
Note: It has nothing to do with my love life/ frienship or what-so-ever.
After so much... I remembered 1 song that is suitable for those that are stuck in the same and probably worse situation as me..
Just Stand Up
The heart is stronger than you think
It's like it can go through anything
And even when you think it can't, it find its way to still push on
Sometimes you want to run away
Ain't got the patience for the pain
And if you don't believe it looks into
your heart the beat goes on
I'm telling you
Things get better
Through whatever
If you fall, dust it off, don't let up
Don't you know you can go be your own miracle
You need to know
If the mind keeps thinking you've had enough
But the heart keeps telling you don't give up
Who are we to be questioning, wondering, what is what
Don't give up
Through it all, Just stand up
It's like we all have better days
Problems getting all up in your face
Just because you go through it
Don't mean you gotta take control, no
You ain't gotta find no hiding place
Because the heart can beat the head
Don't wanna let your mind keep playing you
And saying you can't go on
I'm telling you
Things get better
Through whatever
If you fall, dust it off, don't let up
Don't you know you can go be your own miracle
You need to know
If the mind keeps thinking you've had enough
But the heart keeps telling you don't give up
Who are we to be questioning, wondering, what is what
Don't give up
Through it all, Just stand up
You don't gotta be a prisoner in your mind
If you fall, dust it off
You can live your life
Let your heart be the guide
And you will know that you're good if you trust in the good
Everything will be alright
Light up the dark, if you follow your heart
And it will get better
Through whatever
If the mind keeps thinking you've had enough
But the heart keeps telling you don't give up
Who are we to be questioning, wondering, what is what
Don't give up
Through it all, Just stand up
And so.... Finally I got to meet up with my twin today. Random and sudden plans. But, we're always like that anyways...no big deal. Can say we caught up a lot on our own lifes and stuff. Slight stress reliever as well cause I don't need to get my brain involved in PARASITE business.
I think... I should change my major. I'm so in the wrong course!!! Should have taken up psychology like I wanted to before I enter UTAR. Darn!!! Yeah... I'm using my past experience to help people... obviously to overcome their own personal stuff. Sorry...the pros do not reveal people's stuff to others. Hehe... I need more outings with my twin before she gets stuck in the stupid place called Sg. Petani.
Okay... now there's another issue about my hair. What is this?? Speechless already... Different people different comment. Even within my own family!! What the.....
Thou has got to minimise cursing....and save it for those who deserve it.
Tomorrow (or technically today) is.... MY day. Free from everything and fully devoting my time to.... watching anime and being a pig/sloth at home. I've got to get some good games to play. Fill up my time and destress by maybe killing a person or two. (see how fast the determination for studying has flown away?)
Apart from that... I've decided to be super noisy and blog more in this post =p
I'm STILL figuring out how to lose weight. Yes.. its an utterly sad story.... I might just resort to anorexia/bulemia to have a go on the crash course *blegh*
I'm in need for new glasses. Think my power is increasing cause I keep tearing the whole day. Lack of funds... sad story again.....
I need to do a bit of shopping cause it's SALE time and I want to get some new clothes... like duh!!.... Lack of funds AGAIN... sad story AGAIN.....
I'm planning to buy my own camera. Although I have my faithful W810i, I think having my own camera would still be good cause I like to take random pics of scenery and so on so forth and mom says I'm pretty good at it. Lack of funds AGAIN... sad story AGAIN.....
I'm in desperate need of holiday again. Lack of funds AGAIN... sad story AGAIN.....
This is seriously sadden-ning!!! So when I say I'm sad, you know why. FINANCIAL CRISIS!!!
When do I get to see the beaver in Kampar??
Due to the fact that I've just watched 4 episodes of Blood+ continuously, I find that there is a sudden need to blog to release some stress/tension/shit. Or else I might need to drink blood soon also.
I really agree with Ms Lim to a certain point. Everything revolves around THAT now. I'm in UTAR again almost every other day. Now, I call IT a damn PARASITE. Not only is it draining my energy unneccessarily, but it's also wasting my time... only to know that the effects/outcome is negative.
I'd quote....
"as time goes by, things fade...
as time goes by, people change"
This damn PARASITE has brought along unhappiness. There's a whole lot of WTF moments. After hearing from my own committee, it's added WTF comments to the PARASITE. I don't deny that there are times where I would really like to say, "I quit SRC". All thanks to....?? Yes, PARASITE. I was at a point 2 days ago when I said, "Screw the PARASITE". But now, I can't. Another f***ed up moment. This is parallel to the saying, "NO CHOICE". I DO NOT want to spend all of my holidays for the PARASITE.
Since I'm already at this point, I don't want to regret anymore. I only like to rant. But there is 1 thing I definitely regret. And for sure, after my term ends, I'll WIPE it away. I'll apply Selective Amnesia. Yeah, I'm going to write-up a paper on Selective Amnesia soon once I'm done applying it.
Us the crazy bunch although we don't look crazy here. (*Ryh Shin and Foong Kheng missing)
No doubt... this is not my holiday. It's worse than a normal semester. Meetings here and there. Discuss this and that. Think and think and THINK!!! I'm sure Tjun Kong feels the same pain as I do. People just want more everyday. Now isn't that "great" news??
Almost half my term as a Student Rep is gone now. Although I have been doing things, but I haven't achieved that very thing that satisfies me yet.
Note: My personal satisfaction is not getting things to benefit myself....it's in the form of achievement.
So, since now is my so called holiday, I am reflecting back on things to see where I can do better. Of course, to make sure I'm on the right track as well... Doing things for students and not for my own. After much deliberation, I am on the right track... just the more bumpy one. Some things I've got to face up to and some things which I'll just hold it all in. I realise that it's important to keep a control of myself. Those who knows, I'm sure you know what happens when I lose control of myself and things. Trust me...it gets not only horrible but ugly as well.
Even with the on-going pressure, I have set a new target, more like a new determination....YESH!! That is...... to study more. Bummer... I even got my next semester subject books already.
For those who thinks that I'm super free just because I'm having holidays, please don't think so. I'm sure you'll never meet anyone as busy as me when they are on semester breaks. I think I'm getting lesser sleep now than when it's exam time. I need to start up my brain earlier to prepare for next semester's battle with all my subjects. Currently... my brain is still in fried mode... need to un-fry it but don't know how. Any good suggestions??
I still don't understand the thing with my student ID picture. I went to my campus library to borrow some books today. I have to give my ID to borrow the books you see. And the librarian took my ID, looked at it and asked me, "it's not you right?". What is the problem?? Goodness... Must go to ICTC make another 1 already man. No one believes it's me. Luckily she still allow me to borrow the books. But she take a few looks at me and at my ID. AIYO.....
These days are packed with things and spontaneous activities. And to think that it was actually my SEMESTER BREAK!!! There's something going on everyday. In some ways interesting... In some ways not. Everything's packed up till my semester starts. OMG... This is what I call a "holiday". I so want to go back to Camerons where there's nothing to think and do except breathing the nice fresh cooling air.
Mom just reminded me that my homebased work is almost at its dateline this friday. I've still got like 60 more pages to go before compiling. I think my eyesight power has gone up thanks to this...
I finally got to watch...High School Musical 3. Yesh!! It's better than the 2nd one I would say. And it's truly inspiring as usual. Good for high school kids. Unfortunately, I'm not one anymore... But it's still good to watch. Portrays the simple happiness that high school kids have.
I feel..... There's a lot to sort out. All's jammed up. Frustration... Confusion. Maybe it's taking its toll on me cause I just walked into the grill that's used to block off my kitchen so my dogs can't enter. I practically walked right into it as though it wasn't there and fell down on it and scrapped my knee with a few bruises as well. Nice isn't it?? Well... I couldn't explain it to myself as well why I just walked right into it when it has been there for so long and I've never walked into it. So, I find it weird... unexplainable.
