I have...finished my biochem report. A little relieved. 2 more report to go. Gah!!!
Was at friend's place till 2am yesterday night...more like this morning. Finally finished off 1 assignment. Now 2 more to go as well but with maths near completion. Ahh..... Still got pengajian malaysia to worry about.
Am brain stuck today. Trying to think and fit things in but it's not functioning. OMG!! Wrong timing to malfunction. Metabolic Biochem test is next week. Can't afford to be brain dead now.
4 panadols within 2 hours...hmm.....
She reflects everything I was before....
Glad I could help out my friend even though the situation was tough. Now I see how He wants me to reach out to people who went through what I have and help them with what I can.
Am....disappointed in people nowadays. And if that disappointment can be measured, it'll be all the way in the negatives. Does the competitive spirit really bring out the worse in people? Oh wait...it just brings out the their true colours which is so black.
I'm also disappointed in my anatomy test results. Disappointed in myself.....
And what's with people sending me emails to vote against BN?? I'm not voting yet la...
Finally. A rather good day.
First of all, my maths lecturer announced that our group assignment only need to hand in one report for each group. Not individual reports anymore. Lesser work =D But I did like three quarter of it already. No matter. It's good news. Then, biochem lecturer say thursday lecture canceled. Another good news because that was the only class I had on thursdays. Means no class this thursday.
I helped a friend today. Am sort of happy about it...i think.
Reflected back on myself. Emo-fied now....
I can't sleep
everything i ever knew
is a lie without you
I can't breathe
when my heart is broke in two
there's no beat without you
you're not gone but you're not here
is that the way it seems tonight
if we could try to win these wars
I know that we can make it right
Coz baby, I don't wanna fight no more
I forgot what we were fighting for
and this loneliness that's in my heart
won't let me be apart from you
I dowan to have to try
to live without you in my life
so I'm hoping we can start tonight
coz I don't wanna fight no more
How can I live
when everything that i adore
and everything i'm living for
it's in you
I can't dream
sleepless nights have got me bad
the only dream I've ever had
is being with you
I know that we can make it right
it's gonna take a little of time
let's not leave ourselves with no way out
let's not trust that lie
I dowan to fight no more
I forgot what we were fighting for
and this loneliness that's in my heart
won't let me be apart from you
I dowan to have to try
to live without you in my life
so I'm hoping we can start tonight
coz I dowan to fight no more
Plunging deep down under...
Monday bluess.....
Yeah. I've got the monday blues. Mostly due to not enough rest recently. Time isn't on my side. Gahh!!!
I so wanted to sleep in lecture today. Laid my head down on the table during anatomy lecture but I was still listening and taking down important notes. Then suddenly the lecturer started scolding saying that we were all sleepy, doing our own work and not paying attention. And then she looked at me, and I still didn't get up. She ended the class there and then.
Hmm....was it my fault??? I was still paying attention wasn't I??
Blur. I've got her class tomorrow again. Sigh...
Back to doing more work and more assignment rushing
1st maths test is over. No more fretting over it. Now is the time to rush 3 reports and 3 assignments as well as study for Pengajian Malaysia test on monday. It couldn't get any better. Am so waiting for week 10, when it's all over, then I have to worry bout the presentation and finals only. Ok, it sounds equally bad.
I have to get started with my Pengajian Malaysia. Sigh... The no-lifeness of a Biomedical Science student. Always studying, always assignment-ing. Yeesh... Busy week ahead.
Now, I would like to say.... Don't eff-ing push me!!
I really don't understand people nowadays. And all I can say is, don't push me cause I WILL snap. And you won't like the picture of it.
Doesn't the term group assignment says it all?? That its a GROUP work and everyone should be lending a hand in footing in ideas and stuff. Not only using one person's brain to give ideas for the whole damn assignment. Does it kill to not be dependant on others for your own work? That's why people always say earn your own marks!!
Can't take it. Too much d. Going to blow up soon.
Oh well....
It's finally monday again. =(
Yesterday was.... bad day for me. Well, sort of. I was napping in the afternoon and mom suddenly called. I only heard the phone after few rings so I got up and rushed to the phone. In the event of rushing, I knocked, hit, accidently slammed my left hand into the table edge. Instant swelling!!! All four fingers, excluding me thumb, swelled up. Sigh... I can't even pull up my handbrake today. Pain...
Had to suffer pengajian malaysia lecture today to make up for the days I skipped the lecture. Bore..
Final verdict: Woah!!! This has got to stop. Hit the brakes. Run away. Whatever. Gahh....
Conclusion: IT did not help...
But I think I finally know what to do. Maybe....I don't know. Man...I got to stop using the "I don't know" sentence. So not helping in any way.
My timetable for this week is a freaking mess!! Replacement classes here and there. Classes canceled. I don't really know what is my timetable for tomorrow. Swt...
Finally done with the first test of the semester. Really relieved. I did my last minutes last night till about 12.30 or so. Then I set my alarm to go off at 2.30am so that I can continue to revise and do my last minutes. The moment the alarm went off, I offed it and went back to sleep till it was 5am and I jumped out of bed to get started. So yeah, I overslept. I panicked so much until the only solution was to sit down, relax and pray. So I did and continued with my notes. Got to uni with time to spare before the test starts and friends were like asking questions bout what's this and what's that. I managed to answer...haha. So nerves soothed a bit.
After the test was done, all I can say is, I did my best with my last minute work. Haha. Actually I studied beforehand but I had to go over them again. And I worked like super hard for it so there better be some outcome. Hehe...
And I'm reminded again to have faith in Him in everything that I do. Am still learning and growing in that matter. But no doubt, my faith has grown stronger. The only place of comfort when all else fails. It always reflects back on that one same thing.
Feels like I've been stabbed over and over again everywhere. Feels like I'm having atrophy. So want to have cerebellum damage. And wished the cardiac and smooth muscles were voluntary muscles. Verdict will be told tomorrow...
OMG man!!! All my anatomy and physiology. Brain too densely packed with it.
If only the songs will stop playing in my head and my brain will stop trying to read in between the lines. Why do I have to hear it over and over again?
Today is also study till I die day. Test is tomorrow!!! And I still can blog. Certified gone case d.
I shall be determined.....for don't know how long and start to procrastinate again =P
I started off the day today thinking and KNOWING that I am super blur. Because......of the flu. It affected my brain!!! Goner. Anyways, I still managed to answer questions in my maths tutorial =D So...apparently brain not that damaged yet.
Then came maths lecture. Yeah...I know. Lecture and tutorial in the same freaking day. A sort of unexpected lameness came out from my lecturer. Here's the conversation and let's see whether you guys get the lameness...
student: sir. why must have the square there ah?
lecturer: hah? what square?
student: there *points at the board*, the one there.
lecturer: because i put it there la.
*everyone stoned and listened some more after that*
So did you guys get the joke?
I laughed immediately when the lecturer said that but everyone seems to be emotionless. Either they are super slow or they just didn't listen and pay attention during lecture. So...I'm not so blur after all eh? Hehehehe.... And my friend sitting next to me had to ask me to repeat what he said before she started laughing as well. Confirm slow...
Today....is the only day I don't need to rush reports. But I still got to read one miserable research report for english. Yeesh...
Oh no. Test is near and I'm not done yet. It's like a string of tests. And I'm so not ready..... Ask me some anatomy stuff and I'll start speaking gibberish.
Tomorrow is... Study Till You Faint day.
Today is the unofficial day that classes resume. It's unofficial because of all the lazy asses that conveniently skip the one and only class today. Otherwise, it would be official. Actually it's partially the lecturer's fault too for canceling some of the classes.
I have just been told today that I have a replacement tutorial on friday. So my one and only 2 hour break is cut down to 30 freaking minutes!! Yeah....we're so not human at this point. Class from 9am right till 6pm.
Sickness still continues. Was looking like a zombie this morning. Think I don't look so bad now.....I THINK. Anyways, if I do look bad tomorrow, make-up will have to come into place then. So that I don't scare my coursemates. The moment I got home, I....slept. Without taking lunch and hardly ate anything for breakfast. I popped 2 panadols before going to sleep....head pounding like nuts. I was so tempted to eat the whole strip of panadol. But.... I just wrote my report on paracetamol/panadol overdose. So yeah...it'll be so not logical for me to do that. I'll probably see the psychiatrist the following day if I do.
I studied my Anatomy & Physiology till I'm mad. Everything in my head is anatomy. I feel so bad for my metabolic biochemistry. I'm so going to fail the test. Sigh... I need help.
The people who always pull me through.I'll see you in a few months. Will put my plan to work as soon as possible and will make sure it works.
I love our family video =) Really brought me tears man. Love it alot.
Remember to play the "chipmunk" voice over there k? haha...
Though we did not manage to be there till the babe board the plane, but I think it's sad enough to know she's leaving ='(
Am sick.....
Of all the times to get sick man. Coughing, sorethroat like cow and the most irritating one of all....flu. Wrong timing!!! I still got lots more things to be done by tomorrow. And I got tests coming up.
Once again...am so reluctant to go see the doctor. We'll see what happens this time cause I'm coughing my lungs out and I can hardly breathe. So.....wheeee...... *brain damage*
Was torn between 2 places this morning. But am thankful that mom say I don't need to go to either one if I don't want to. So yeah.....I choose not to go to either of them. Flu medicine still got a bit of effect on me. And....I'm driving alone later. Sigh.... don't know what's going to happen.
I've finally gotten myself to finish 2 reports. A big sigh of relief. It took me forever to finish it but at least its done now compared to my other uni friends who are planning to do it tonight. Have fun la.... But, I still got one more report and assignment to go. Wonder how I'm going to do it with my "sick as a dog" condition. Hmm..... I have to try anyways. Probably end up falling asleep on the table again like last time. Lol...
Yesterday was.....messy. Yeah. Parents wanted to go Genting but didn't go cause I didn't want to go. I feel so bad =( But there's always next year or next time right? Hehe. So I got my time to finish up my work. Then got to meet up with py and rach in the evening for dinner. Our dinner was freaking early yo. But nevermind, it was good right? Hehe.
Recently, I've found myself stumbling unto disappointment very often. It happened in a lot of ways. And it made me realise a whole lot of things while I was reflecting back at it. Nah....not going to say it all out here. Between me and the babe. Lol...
Rach!!! You're leaving today. So you gotta sing "I'm leaving on a MAS plane, and I'll be back in November or December again". =P
Mission for today: Make rach cry at the airport. hehe....
The rebellious streak continues.....
Went out for drinks with the 2 person I never thought I'd be sitting down to have a drink with last time. Lol....
Enjoyed our 3 rounds of drinks then headed over to the mamak to further crap and talk.
Stomach feels weird now. But the drink relaxed my nerves a lot. Got to get up to finish my work in the morning. Or not....monday will be "gone case" day. I'm so tempted to skip monday's class. But...sigh, I have to hand in my reports. So no choice.
He told me the same thing today. If I keep it in, I'll overload and explode someday. As much as I hate to hear it, its true. But the comfort is not there for me to let it out. So I'll just suck it in and hold my breath for as long as I can.
Thank God I had those drinks today. It really helped to cool down my nerves. I can't stand myself these past few days. And I dread looking into the mirror now... I hate seeing that reflection staring back at me.
Oh no....its starting again.....
Bummed out!
Yeah I know. Today's the first day of CNY. I'm not so in the mood of it. So I'm really all joyous today. Plus I keep thinking about all my assignments and tests....and I keep worrying about it. Gosh... My brain is overloaded. This is the malfunction period whereby I stop all my work and start complaining here. Think my brain has downsized. The amount of hours I'm able to torture myself studying has reduced. OH NO!!!
Got home from relatives place about evening or so. Everyone took a nap. I ended up doing my metabolic biochemistry report. Sad life. I didn't take a break. And before I know it, mom say we got to go for dinner with relatives again. I wanna.....faint. So I....TAHAN...and made it through dinner. Got home and back to work again. Thank God I managed to finish a big part of my work. The biochem report is almost done, just left back 1 miserable annoying question which I haven't found the answer to. Sheesh.
Next up....Anatomy and Physiology report. I'm half-way through it. Progress is going to be 3/4 soon. But my internet is being a pain in the *toot* (no bad words today). Giving loads of problem. Same goes to my computer. Hope it will last till I get my new laptop. But I got to be considerate too. So....wait and patience it is.
I can't seem to find the information to put into my report. *sobs sobs* I have to hand it in on monday. *cries even louder* Same time with my metabolic biochem report. *bangs head on wall* I still got lots to finish. And I haven't study yet!! ARGHHHH!!!!!!! I still got 2 and 1/4 chapter to go before the test next week.
Pressure.... Stressss........ Fried brain.......... = die
Am skipping breakfast tomorrow. To get more sleep. To get most of my work done. So can go out after that. =D
And....I can't believe my mom actually told me that this morning.
" girl, hope this year you won't go out so much la ya"
OMG. You believe I would listen?? Hah!!! Rebelliousness of me continues.......
I don't like this feeling. Seriously I don't. Explaining what feeling that is would not really give you the clear picture either unless you're feeling it too. I wish I could explain it to myself. Why can't I?! Am engulfed in frustration now. Frustrated at a lot of things, most of the things around. I can't control it.
I'm oUt Of cOntRoL.......cAn't cOntRoL MysElF......
Emotions fluctuate like crazy. And during the times when they don't, I'm emotionless. Swt. I sound rather robotic. The emotionless part is the functioning period. The fluctuating part is the malfunction period. Man it's crazy.
Pondering what to do. What's my next step?? Where do I go from here?? What am I going to do?? It's all a big blur now. Blur, blur, blurrr......
I don't want to be trapped in a whole lot of "if onlys" and "what ifs".
I'm running this race like a blind person without a guiding stick.
Stupid day. CIS!!!
Obviously I woke up late today cause I was out till quite late last night and also partially to because of what I did. Bro told me that tv is coming. Huh?? TV?? I didn't know that. Apparently it was a last minute decision. So yeah... tv came. I was alone at home that time, luckily the Toh came over and accompany me while the guys were here fixing the tv.
1st beautiful word of the day... When I drove out to pass rach something, a car just zoomed pass me and nearly hit my car...so F***. Yeah... then a lot more came after that.
Went to parade with mom but didn't manage to get shoes. Am so in love with the Bonia heels.... but it's so out of reach. Sigh... Every other heels look so ordinary now.
And...the ultimate...my stupid comp gave me problems with my external HD. Frustration in the highest level. No matter which USB port I plug it into, the stupid windows fail to install it properly and I can't use it. And note: I managed to use it yesterday till it decided to be cacat today. So I tried plugging it into my laptop. It worked... THEN.... the laptop died. The screen had problems again!! *toot**toot**TOOT!!!* Slammed the stupid laptop....
So...I have to resort to using bro's laptop for a while to transfer some stuff.
So darn sucky. And my frustration level is super high now.....
Hope I don't start my 1st day of CNY with *toot*.
Just got in after a night's out with my gals. Spent my day with my best gals today. Lunch. Then 2 movies and dinner at rach's place, then we head over to go for our drinks. And we said that the car reminded us of the 1st time where it had all 6 of us in it making a whole lot of noise. Yeah... I really missed that time. Everyone's gone. And rach is leaving soon. *sobs sobs*. Am so going to miss you babe. But no worries, I'm going to strive hard to make that plan that we talked about work out. Am looking forward to making it happen.
Talked with our usual bartender and all. Erm... I think today is misunderstand Pearly day. SWT!!! Why does he keep misunderstanding what I say? Different wavelength man. We seem to get to know new groups of people everytime we're there. Hmm....why is that? Very random.
Today gave me time to reflect back on some friends. And I really got to say, I'm so disappointed. Really am. I think the sentence "take advantage of me and use me" is not written on my head or my face. So why do they still do that? Goodness....give me an eff-ing break man. What do you want from me?? I really never thought that I would meet that kind of people...at least not to that extend. Have officially certified them....not friends.
Am downsizing my friends list now. Disappointment gets me everytime no matter they are old friends or new friends. So...I'll just cut it all short from now on. Sick and tired of it already.
I'm like stuck in the middle of 2 groups of people currently and it's so not good. I don't like to be smacked in the middle and neither do I like to choose sides too. I prefer to be out of it. Am I some intermediate?? I don't think so right? Why does it have to come down to this stage?
I'll do it on my own even if it kills me...
I just found a rather nice song. Although the guy looks a bit ah pek-ish. But the song is actually quite good. Enjoy...
Just finished watching "The Kingdom" on dvd of course. It's a fantastic show. Reflects on the world today. About terrorism and all. Wonder if they got awards for that show. Makes me think how sick society can be nowadays. Like the little girl, Sharlinie case. Pray for the little girl's safe return to her parents. Shows how much the younger generation have to pay for the adults' actions and mistakes.
Can't these people take a break? Goodness. I think we all need it. This, like one of the show quotes, is the failure to listen and compromise. If everyone would get out of their huts and care more, maybe something can be done.
Skipped 2 classes today. Too lazy to go. It's english and pengajian malaysia. So...yeah. Boring-ness to the max. So better don't waste my time. Holidays officially started.... studying begins. Swt...
Today is GG day. Why? Cause I was rushing myself to finish a report which I didn't know is due only after CNY. So yeah....GG. My friend better be right about it or not I'll kill him if the lecturer asks to pass it up tomorrow.
Body is rejecting anything I eat. Have been like that for the past one week or so. What's wrong??
Watched the show called P2 with rach yesterday. Instead of watching in fear (on rach's side), we were laughing throughout the movie except in one part. Why? We were incorporating crapping thoughts into what was happening and we ended up laughing. So yeah...haha. But the show was alright. Not too bad. Something different.
CNY is just around the corner. But I'm so not in the mood for it. Got loads of stuff to do...assignments, reports. And...I have to study throughout the whole time for the test that is on the week right after CNY. Can you believe it? Non stop I tell you. I think my pace is too slow if I'm going to score for this sem. Hmm...got to do something about it.
*breathes in, breathes out*
*die-ded*
*taken from kelly babe* =P
A L L A B O U T M E
Name: Pearly
Single or taken: single
Gender: woman
Birthday: 1st July
Sign: Cancer
Hair color: originally light brown...it's highlighted red now. lol
Eye color: brown
Height: 5' 6''
Are you straight/bisexual/gay?: i wish i could say bisexual...but i'm straight. haha
F A S H I O N S T U F F
Where is your favorite place to shop for clothes?: erm...no idea. random
Favorite designer?: lots...lol
What is your sexiest outfit?: erm....i dunno
What is your most comfortable outfit?: shorts n regular Ts
What do you usually wear?: jeans and simple top
S P E C I F I C S
What kind of shampoo do you use?: sunsilk
What are you listening to right now: stop and stare - one republic
Who is the last person that called you?: Chia - "oi...what to write in A&P report ah?"
How many buddies are online right now?: 17
F A V O R I T E S
Foods: a lot la...depends on mood.
Girls names: erm....hmm...
Boys names: .....hmm....
Subjects in school: maths definitely..the only thing i'm good at
Animals: almost all excepts those which want to bite me or eat me up
H A V E Y O U E V E R
Given anyone a bath?: my dog?
Smoked?: nope
Bungee jumped?: nope...soon
Made yourself throw up?: nope
Skinny dipped?: nope
Ever been in love?: yup
Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: unfortunately....no
Ever imagined your crush naked?: nope...
Actually seen your crush naked?: hahahahaha....
Cried when someone died?: erm...no. most of the time emo-less
Lied?: yup. who hasn't?
Fallen for your best friend?: nope...agreed we won't and we lived up to it man. lol
Rejected someone?: yup
Done something you regret?: yup
L A S T P E R S O N
You touched: my dog
Hugged: pris
You IMed: pris and kelly
You yelled at: erm...bro i think
You kissed: .........
A R E Y O U
Understanding: in most ways
Open-minded: yeah
Arrogant: i hope not...
Insecure: yup
Random: most of the times
Smart: in what sense?? LOL
Moody: yeah...but under control
Organized: a little now
Healthy: nope
Shy: some ways
Difficult: yeah
Bored easily: YES
Obsessed: nope...only in few things
Sad: dunno
Happy: dunno
Hyper: nope...no energy
Trusting: nope...not anymore
W H O D O Y O U W A N N A
Kill?: hmm....better not said. it can be used against me in court. Lol.
Slap?: hahahaha....
Get really wasted with?: my girlfriends
Get high with: my girlfriends
Talk to offline: no one
Talk to online: random
Sex it up with: ......goodness....
R A N D O M
In the morning I: look at the time and rush for class
Love is: the past. the future is without it..
I dream about: random things
Sexual preference: depends
What do you notice first in the opposite sex you're into: attitude
W H I C H I S B E T T E R
Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi
Flowers or candy: flowers
Tall or short: tall
W H O
Makes you laugh the most: girlfriends
Makes you smile: ahh.....for now...only God
Gives you a funny feeling when you see him/her: lots of people
D O Y O U E V E R
Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to IM you?: nope
Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: in some weird way...yeah. Lol
Wish you were younger: no
N U M B E R
Of times I have had my heart broken: 2
Of hearts I have broken: 5 i think...
Of guys I've kissed: 1
Of girls I've kissed: hahaha...
Of CD's I own: quite a number
Of scars on my body: a few
Doing report yet again. In the midst of it. Got home from church and straight to my report. See how sad it is? And this time...my mind is BLANK. Great. I won't be able to finish it tonite for sure. That's why I'm blogging here. Mind is just exhausted to the max. Can't process anything.
Song lead..... it was.....*speechless*. Everyone say it was good. But I think it was quite messy. Maybe cause I made the mistakes, so I noticed them. Of course the guitarists noticed it too. Sigh... Worship practice was havoc. We were suppose to practice before cell. But, I kept going off-key. Omg. That's the worst. And I wasn't loud enough. The guitars covered my voice easily. I took 45mins to get my voice into the correct tone for all the songs. Disaster man. But surprisingly, during worship, everything went smoothly. It just fell into place, no off-keys. The power of prayer I tell you. And it was a simple wish of the heart.
While driving today, I noticed something awfully scary when you're in the car alone. The knob for my radio volume just turned on its own. It increased and decreased the volume on its own. In front of my bare eyes!! I stoned instantly cause I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Plus the indicator for my radio is digital. I actually saw the volume going from 10 to 9, then to 10 again, then to 9 again for a few times. Imagine that...scared my lungs out.
Had a casual talk with one of the cell members after cell. Hmm....what she said is quite true. Shall pray on it...
Finally holidays are coming. When it was semester break, I so wished that classes start fast. Now I can't wait for that short holiday. Weirdd....
Made record time the other day by finishing my metabolic biochemistry report in 1 and half hours time. Yeah...I usually need much longer than that cause I need to hunt high and low for the information just to write introduction. And I'll hunt even more when I get to the discussion part. Sigh....so no life. Everyday I'll be rushing some assignment...no matter what subject it is. In and out, assignment, assignment, report, report, report, report....argh!!!
Now I know, my lab group isn't all that bad after all. After joining lab class with another group for 1 day, I thank God I'm in another group. It's.....HORRIBLE! Everyone's everywhere. Rushing for this, rushing for that. No one is willing to give way. Omg man...
Celebrated my old man's birthday yesterday...in karaoke. Haha... Yeah, it's weird, but he likes it. So what the heck. Do something different for once. Although I ate very little, I was feeling full as though I ate a whole cow. And for once, we all drank. =D But I think I drank the most. 3 bottles man. Giler bloated at the end of the day. Then, mom wanted to listen to some chinese songs. And because the whole family is sort of bananas, we were like guessing guessing which one was it. And.... I managed to 'poke' out the 2 songs that she wanted although I can barely read chinese. Some words are fine but the rest are....blegh. Ahahahahahaha!!! Mom laughed when it was the correct song. Next up....TGIF.....
It's a holiday today. Hehe. Because it's federal territory day and my uni is in KL. So jackpot! Hah! The only campus that has holiday. Of course we had to replace the classes. But nevermind. It's worth it. Sigh....so many things to be done today. And it's raining!! Great man...Have to finish my report....AGAIN! Sad la...
Ooo....I'm song leading today. Hopefully my voice gives full cooperation to me and doesn't go out of tune.
And....I don't know why I'm awake darn early today when it's a holiday!! Crap man...
