heaven knows

Yes!! Yesterday was officially sway/sial day.

 

Firstly…

My endurance was being rebellious and refused to listen to the host/owner. Thus, I decided to stop at the 2nd peak of Broga Hill. Such a let down as compared to the hike during Gunung Datuk. But the view and overall climb/walk was great and refreshing. As expected…loads of people were there when it was about 6/7-ish. Literally crowded.

 

Second…

I opened my email after coming back from Broga… then I saw… the email from the Biomed club of UPM. My ‘forced’ entry of my project into the Symposium that they’re organizing has been accepted. WHAT THE CRAP!!!! How could my simple and messy work be accepted?! Now I have to prepare for the presentation/public humiliation session on March 14. Just when I was discussing with the other 2 students who were also ‘forced’ to enter about this… saying that we don’t hope to get it. In the end… sigh…

 

Third…

I went out for a late dinner with my family. Went to one usual shop that we always go to. And… I saw “the b******” there with his family. And it made me remember all the littlest, stupidest moments that I had last time.

 

It was definitely SWAY/SIAL day yesterday. Hope today and the coming weeks will be better…

And as it comes swifting in, it drowns me… it always does

 

My eyes are painted red

The canvas on my soul

Is slowly breaking down, again

Today I heard the news

The story’s getting old

When will we see the end

Of the days, we bleed, for what we need

To forgive, forget, move on

Cause we’ve got

 

One life to live

One love to give

One chance to keep from falling

One heart to break

One soul to take us

Not forsake us

Only one

Only one

 

The writings one the wall

Of those who came before

Left pictures frozen still, in time

You say you want it all

But whose side you’re fighting for

I sit and wonder why

There are night, we sleep, while others they weep

With regret, repent, be strong

Cause we’ve got

 

One life to live

One love to give

One chance to keep from falling

One heart to break

One soul to take us

Not forsake us

Only one

The week of the Chinese New Year holidays is coming to an end…more like a screeching end. I’m undecided whether I’d prefer the holidays or for the semester to start again so that everything would be done faster. Eventhough it’s CNY, there’s still lots of things to do… assignments, report, thesis, and…catching up on the syllabus for tests. Such a pain… Sleeping doesn’t help to remove my dark circles anymore. How sad…

 

I was fine when I woke up today. Till I bent over to touch my dog and suddenly I felt the nice “twist/sprain” happening to my neck. Thus, I now have a stiff neck which is highly irritating. But… I went for badminton anyways with the painful neck and agitated it more when I was playing. Felt totally “great”… especially when I got charged at and rammed again by the same person.

 

***

 

Hmm… I once thought that that chapter has closed. Only to learn that it doesn’t always close completely. It’s like a darn virus… although it’s not active and causing you all the nonsense, it doesn’t mean that it’s not there either. It’s probably in a dormant state, waiting for the right time to cause another round of nonsense till it gets the best of you.

 

I have… stopped trying to make sense of things or even trying to reason out as to why some things happen. Just keep saying that “yeah, it’ll all be ok, it’s alright. no worries about it”. Really??? I, as the first person of the picture, have no idea/clue what-so-ever. But… I can safely say that this is as far as it goes and I’m done trying.

 

“Light up, light up

As if you have a choice

Even if you cannot hear my voice

I’ll be right beside you, dear

Louder, louder

And we’ll run for our lives

I can hardly speak, I understand

Why you can’t raise your voice to say…”

I drank coffee for the 1st time on Tuesday in order to keep my mind awake and eyes open. Although the coffee effect is not as bad as effect of tea, but it did its job initially. Had my 1st can of coffee in the morning before class and it turned out fine. Then, I decided that I should have another can of coffee before I drive back so that I’m awake and well enough to drive. Drive home was swift as usual, with minimal “fishing” moments. But… 30minutes after reaching home, I literally was trembling from the inside out and I felt a bit hyper although I’m dead tired. LOL

 

Caffeine has a rather prominent and significant effect on me, I would say. Tea especially, causes me to do and say all sorts of weird stuff. Some call it “being high”. Yup… For example, after drinking 2 cups of tea on Monday morning to keep me awake, I started writing nonsense like replacing the word “anxious” with “anxions”. Then… my brain registered the word “thought” as “otot”. Hilarious indeed. And… I’m capable of laughing like crazy for about 15 minutes. That’s the wonderful effects of tea/caffeine.

I had a very interesting lecture on Culture today in Interpersonal Communications class.

 

We’ve always perceived culture as literally, “different race, different religion, different origin, different culture”. Well, today I learnt that it’s much more than that. Culture is not a measurement of a race or religion. Circumstances, background, media influences, etc., all play a role in moulding our individual culture. And yeah, everyone has their own individual and different culture. What people have been doing all the while is called stereotyping, which is classifying people of similar race or religion or origin into categories of similar characteristics or tradition.

 

I couldn’t agree more with the facts and points which have been highlighted today. It’s happening everyday in everyone’s life whether we like it or not, it’s unavoidable. To date, I really think that circumstances and events have made me a more evil and cruel person than I was before. Of course, those who don’t see those “events” won’t understand why. Even if you tell a person that you understand how they feel at that moment, do you really?? Especially when you’re not put in that situation. But I think it’s alright… If everyone were able to understand everything that has been thrown to them, there wouldn’t be challenges would there?

 

So yeah… I’m experiencing culture shock almost everyday. As quoted in my notes…

 

“First stage: You’ll still be comfortable with the new ambiguities around and find them interesting.

Second stage: Those new ambiguities will start to bother you and you’ll start feeling uncomfortable and probably frustrated

Third stage: You start learning to accept and adapt to the new changes

Fourth stage: Although those ambiguities are new to you, you have learned to accept it and are now comfortable with it”

***

I’m no longer capable of finding that same room in me to cry anymore. That feeling of fear is just gone…

 

But drenched in vanilla twilight

I’ll sit on the front porch all night

Waist-deep in thought because

When I think of you I don’t feel so alone

I had one of the craziest weekend ever last week. I thought my weekend would be spent doing reports, assignments and also my thesis. But no… it was filled with a whole bunch of crazy and interesting stuff. So much for being a nerd.

 

Saturday

Went through the whole week thinking that I have the Saturday morning free to myself. I conveniently forgot about the Postgraduate Seminar in the morning. LOL… But I made it there after remembering it on Friday.

 

Overall, it was an informative seminar. Roughly got the information that I needed.

 

Then the day was followed up with Church service and dinner.

 

Sunday

One of the most packed days that I’ve had with back-to-back plans.

 

My ex-SRC group came down to Subang to have a fun day out and decided to crash my house early in the morning. LOL… Had breakfast together then we hit pyramid for ice skating, followed by lunch and bowling. Everyone was expecting me to fall down since I’ve never ice skate before. Unfortunately, my roller blade skills came in handy. Haha!! Managed to prevent myself from falling and looking like a noob. Quite a good experience although the skates were killing my feet and gave me an invisible bruise. Good job skates.

 

Later that day, I went for dinner with my family since it was my dad’s birthday. Had a nice dinner although there wasn’t many food selections for the buffet. But no doubt, the food was good. I reminded myself to stay away from the raw oysters also since I’ve done my research on CHOLERA. Lol… The lemon is a must for raw oysters… remember that. Haha

 

After dinner, I shot off to a friend’s birthday party. Even though I was late and missed literally everything, but I think being there to wish her and staying for a while means a lot to me. =)

 

Monday

Had my first ever hiking experience in Gunung Datuk. Almost killed myself by climbing the last stretch of rocks and boulders. Really looked like a suicide mission. Haha… But it was all good. Managed to overcome the fear of heights for that brief moment although I didn’t go all the way up to the very top.

 

The hike up was crazy. I didn’t expect it to be that strenuous especially to my knees. Really felt my knee injury when hiking up. But I got the ultimate satisfaction by reaching the highest landing before climbing the boulders. Definitely an achievement for myself since my stamina and physical fitness is ancient.

 

Coming down was initially easy as I could skip the steps to take the weight strain off my knees. It was so nice after the halfway mark though. The terrain was rougher so skipping through it would be a pretty bad idea. That was when the other knee injury kicked in. If my knees were machines, they’re way past their maintenance period and needs some serious change of parts or literally a new machine.

 

All in all, it was a good experience. Would definitely like to try it again but with a different location. But I doubt it’ll be soon because old physical junks like mine needs major recuperating and it takes darn long. LOL

 

***

 

At the moment, my work is piling up by the day. Amount of things needed to study too. Guess I need to savour these outings and fun times whenever I can before I’m unable to make it to them anymore soon.

 

It is in times like these that I really hope I know what I’m doing. It’s probably going to sting but the consequences are suppose to be beneficial. Everything has its own price I guess. We just need to evaluate whether it’s worth paying or not.