heaven knows

Yup, I have a tendency to blog at the oddest times of the day. Go figure why…

 

It’s only the 2nd academic week and work is already piling up and I’m lacking sleep. Reports, assignments and my thesis… such a pain. Just yesterday, I felt my resolve and determination level rising. I think they just fell back down again.

 

Talking about yesterday… I went for this postgraduate seminar in the morning. It was boring… no doubt, in the beginning. But the group session was somewhat informative. Got to learn and know more about the countries that I’m thinking of going to for work or studies in the future. Currently, 2 places sound pretty good to me: Australia and New Zealand.

 

Aus: Friends are there, probable job prospect, MIGHT enjoy life there… hmm…

NZ: Definitely a place I’ve been wanting to go and spend some time of my life there, good job prospect for my field I think, slow paced life…

 

Tough decision to make, but I doubt I’ll be making it soon.

I barely got 4 hours of sleep in last night/early this morning. And now, I’m about to repeat the same thing again although I have a long day ahead tomorrow.

 

Although I feel tired and somewhat exhausted, I still don’t feel like shutting my eyes to just doze off into dreamland. Maybe because I never do reach there. I always fall in between… I guess.

 

I’ve been working and trying extremely hard to make my thesis look and sound good. But how good it actually is, is still doubtful. I know I doubt it. I can barely get my head straight to focus for 1 hour without my thoughts breaking up somewhere in the middle. It can be frustrating ‘cause that would mean that I have to trace my thoughts back IF I manage to. Although my dateline is 2 days away for my thesis and I THINK I’ll be able to make the dateline, I still feel rather indifferent when I’m suppose to be either stressed or relieved.

 

And now… I wish the silence would break. Currently still pondering as to what I should do or should not do. Time is closing in…

On days where things just aren’t all that happy-go-lucky or smooth, I personally think the songs by Owl City are uplifting enough for the spirit… at least for me… in terms of the melody that is. Among their songs which come from the only 2 albums they have so far…

 

Fireflies

I’d like to make myself believe

That planet Earth turns slowly

It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep

‘Cause everything is never as it seems

 

Vanilla Twilight

When violet eyes get brighter

And heavy wings grow lighter

I’ll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I’ll forget the world that I knew

But I swear I won’t forget you

Oh if my voice could reach back through the past

I’d whisper in your ear

Oh darling I wish you were here

 

Rainbow Veins

Cheer up and dry your damp eyes and tell me when it rains
And I’ll blend up that rainbow above you and shoot it through your veins
’Cause your heart has a lack of colour and we should’ve known

That we’d grow up sooner or later ‘cause we wasted all our free time alone

 

And my personal favourite…

 

The Saltwater Room

Time together is just never quite enough

When you and I are alone

I never felt so at home

What will it take to make or break this hint of love?

We need time, only time

When we’re apart whatever are you thinking of?

If this is what I call home

Why does it feel so alone?

So tell me darling

Do you wish we’d fall in love?

All the time, all the time

 

On another note altogether…

I have forcefully and successfully finished 3 chapters of my thesis. Now there’s 2 more to go and the abstract. This is so depressing. *blegh~!!* This week better end soon and smoothly ‘cause I sure am not looking forward to it no thanks to my thesis dateline. At the end of this week, or rather by Friday, let’s hope that I’m able to breathe again.

I do seriously think that trouble/nonsense finds me wherever I go. Like literally… even when I don’t go looking for it or asking for it. It just miraculously pops up to visit me like friends do.

 

I found out on Thursday, that my car got hit by something or someone without me knowing. Yup, I was INFORMED of the huge dent in my back bumper by my mom while I was halfway sleeping. But, I do suspect that IT came from Uni. So… sigh… another thing to put money into to fix. If it was my fault, I wouldn’t mind putting in money to fix it at all. But this?! It’s just plain ridiculous.

 

Then… I was also INFORMED on Thursday that I have to submit my thesis into an intervarsity science symposium. Now… here’s the beauty of it. I have to submit my abstract and thesis to my lecturer by next Thursday when I’ve only completed half of my thesis with 2 more chapters to go and the abstract. The 2 remaining chapters is actually the results and discussion…which is the main body of the abstract. Bummer…

 

Nowadays, I tend to slow down MORE on the road and also be more patient thanks to 2 people who have advised me to be more patient. Yeah, so I drive more carefully. But, me driving more carefully doesn’t mean that I don’t get into an “almost accident” situation. I’ve been experiencing for the past few days on the highway, people who are TRYING to get me into an accident. I have nuts who instead of breaking gradually, just literally step on the brakes to come to a sudden stop while being somewhat a far distance from the car in front of them. Then, I have too, lorries that just swerve into my lanes without signalling and they’re pretty close to scratching my car. And there are idiots who do not understand the meaning of jams and hit the brakes really awesomely late on a rainy day that they skid to a halt at the back of my car, and… I have to move in front and to the side a little just to prevent them from hitting me. Yup, MALAYSIAN drivers are GREAT drivers.

 

Remember when we’re kids, parents would always tell you to stay out of trouble?? Well… although I do get the same thing, I beg to differ. You have got to tell trouble to stop hunting me down.

I just found out that I have misinterpreted my thesis dateline all this while. Instead of it being the 3rd week of January, it’s actually the 3rd week of the semester. And… I’ve been stressing and rushing for it… all for… nothing!!! Stupidity…

 

And… I just discovered Windows Live Writer that enables the user to write blogs instead of going to the website itself. Lol… I feel mentally slow now. Haha…

Few more days before returning to the final lap of my degree race. Crucial lap indeed.

Anyways... I've just finished watching the 1st season of The Vampire Diaries. Not too bad although it has lots of similarities to Twilight. Not too many characters/actors to drool over. Lol.. But the soundtrack is surprisingly good. Discovered few songs which are worth indulging into =)

Besides that... one young singer to look out for... Allison Iraheta from American Idol Season 8.

Don't turn away
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Don't be afraid
But keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard for the belle of the boulevard

And so the New Year has dawned on me. I remember telling a friend that my spontaneous resolution would be to do lesser stupid stuff and to reduce getting myself into stupid situations. But... my spontaneous resolve was broken on the 1st day of New Year's itself by accident.

The last semester is almost here. I'm not ready to head back to my books yet though I have to. Maybe they're the perfect remedy to drown into. Hmm....

I just realised that I do not have many/any plans for this year. But, I have a lot of questions and doubts. Isn't it suppose to be "A New Year, A New Start" kind of thing?? I'm going to stop believing in New Years and in many more things sooner than I think.