"That" day is drawing near. Scared. Sigh. Wish I didn't have to....
As the month of December draws near, I feel like I have more and more things on my mind. Not nonsense la. But stuff to do. Youth camp, Orientation Committee meetings, arrangements and rehersals. Not to mention, I was suppose to start reading up on my anatomy and physiology and also my metabolic biochemistry. I predict the metabolic biochemistry to be the death of me for the next semester. Sigh. Feeling hopeless for my top score already even before the term starts. Well, at least things will keep me 'running' all the time and I won't have to stop to 'feel'. Yeah....
Went to some traditional massage place today. Parents took me there right after church cause my shoulders were aching for like more than a week already. Signs of old age man. The moment the woman started, it was like.....ahhhh!!!!! PAINFUL!!!! Then she went on to rub my backbone and I got bad news. Apparently, the woman feels my backbone to be slightly curved compared to normal people's backbone which is straight. First bad news. Then, she rubbed the lower part of my backbone which I injured before. DIE!!!! Indescribable pain. She advised me to get an x-ray on my back cause that part of the backbone might be prone to infection or some sort like that due to the shape of my backbone, friction and stuff. That was the second bad news. Then she told my mom. And now mom is considering to send me for x-ray and to get a medical opinion and treatment, whether it's surgery or anything, if possible. But I told her I'm fine.....it didn't work. Mom still thinks going for x-ray is the best thing to do now. And.....also stopping my taekwondo. Third bad news. My hopes crushed to pieces....like instantly.
I'm very very willing...highly willing.....to drop dead now....yeah, like NOW. And go back to Him.
Yup. Notice that nice line on my pointer finger? It had iodine and some blood in it then, so it looked like that.
Just got home from a gathering with the taekwondo group. After such a long time, we finally have a gathering again. And everyone turned up. Good in some ways, bad in some ways. Got to see my sir's new house. Air-cond everywhere. I just can't imagine how much he'll have to pay for electricity every month. 5 of us that got there early went fooling around in a nearby park and got attacked by blood-thirsty mosquitoes. They were HUGE! As in seriously huge compared to the ones you see in your house. Reminded me of the mosquitoes during prefect camp. Mutated mosquitoes man. Got to see all the old faces in the gathering. But I didn't want to see 'him'. Seriously. Although it's a long time ago, but nevertheless, it's still an uncomfortable spot that just lurks there. And I hate to say this, but it's really permanent, it's not temporary. Because of YOU, I lost all confidence in doing anything. And I forgot to say thank you for doing that. No matter what people say, I guess it's just me. I'm unable to see it as though nothing happened.
And... no matter what anyone says about 'that' matter, it still remains the same in me. I'm not the C4(at least I think it's a C4 plant) plant that Pn. Daisy used to call my class...the plant that sways in the direction that the wind blows it.
After tonight, I really want to go back for training. Only this time, I'm not going to worry about any injuries or whatever that might break. 'Since nothing's there for me anymore', am not going to bother much bout this body of mine. Bend it and break it. Going all out in HOPES to achieve my 2nd Dan.
I just watched a show about Britney Spears' career life. I'm sure that anyone that reads this, doesn't know. Now you will know, that I was once was a huge fan of Britney Spears when I was young. I admired her talent at such a young age... not to mention dancing abilities. Maybe my primary school friends might recall ourselves being fans of hers at that age. I even have her album...orginal! Can't imagine huh? The show that I watched just now, played her music videos of course...it's on Channel V. Ahh... reminded me of that first song... Sometimes. As the show went on, it showed how much she's changed over the years. From being a girl next door to... erm, I think we all know what she looks like and acts like now. But nevertheless, she's made history by having the highest album sales. Among the music videos played were, Baby One More Time, Sometimes, You Drive Me Crazy, Oops!...I Did It Again, I'm A Slave For You, I'm Not A Girl Not Yet A Woman, Stronger, Me Against The Music, Toxic, and Everytime. There's one thing that I definitely notice...over the years, her music videos has more censored scenes! Hearing those songs again makes me want to listen to all the old songs that I used to love and still do love them now. Songs like:
A1 - One More Try
Britney Spears - Born To Make You Happy
Britney Spears - From The Bottom Of My Broken Heart
Gary Barlow - So Help Me Girl
Brandy - Have You Ever
Bruce Springsteen - Secret Garden
Bryan Adams - Everything I do, I do It For You
Jim Brickman - Your Love
LFO - Wishing On A Falling Star
...and of course many more. The narrator of the show explained how the singer thought she found the right man with her ex-husband(K-Fed) but ended up divorcing and her career came crashing down. Not only her career... I read in a magazine(I didn't buy it, mom bought it, so i read it) that she's doing plastic surgery to change how she looks because she doesn't like her own looks anymore. Plus, the shaving off of her hair and her God knows what to say lifestyle now. Why? HER friends claim that she couldn't take the divorce from the ex-hub. So...hmm..... sounds kind of familiar.
Anyways, enough of celeb news right? Yeah... people change with times. I can attest to that. I know I've changed in some ways... a lot of ways actually. God knows whether it's for the better or for worse. I've watched as people change for the worse too. Now I wonder whether you have changed. But I guess I'll never know...
Wedding dinner...in Renaissence( I think that's how you spell it)
In the car, on the way...all the songs...meant to kill me. Thanks. The dinner was right beside APIIT's prom night. So I met up with Jini there. The setting of the ballroom for the dinner was nice...of course...it's in Renaissence, what do you expect? Food was nice. Had a bit of beer and wine. On the way home, drove pass that restaurant...Piccolo Mondo. Sigh. Down memory lane...
...Headache...
Just got back from cell. Feeling uncomfortable... health wise and in another aspect as well. Uncomfortable about some things... but once again... gonna keep it in. Pastor asked me why I look sleepy and uneasy everytime... how to answer? Just said I'm tired... can't say much. How to say that I'm uncomfortable with some things? Can't say it out... so better to just swallow it in. Oh, me going to learn drums soon. Finally. After so long of wanting to learn drums. Hope I can manage and have the "beat sense" and don't wind up sounding or playing spastically.
So tonight... I pray... like how I do every night... just pray...
Songs of my day today:
Keith Urban - Tonight I Wanna Cry
Enrique Iglesias - Somebody's Me
Shannon Noll - Lonely
Hilary Duff - Now You Know
A1 - One More Try
Rick Price - Heaven Knows
Toni Braxton - Breathe Again
~they just say it all...
Tried to take a picture
Of love
Didn't think I'd miss her
That much
I want to fill this new frame
But its empty
Tried to write a letter
In ink
Its been getting better
I think
I got a piece of paper
But its empty
Its empty
Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts
We're empty
And I've even wondered
If we
Should be getting under
These sheets
We could lie in this bed
But its empty
Its empty
Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts
We're empty
Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts
We're empty
We're empty
We're empty
Am seriously disappointed... really really disappointed....
It's a product of Nike. It has lots of fur...
And it's rather big too... Sold at RM 199.00 per box.
Note: It serves as a good present.
The Fray - All at once
There are certain people you just keep coming back to
She is right in front of you
You begin to wonder could you find a better one
Compared to her now she's in question
And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same
Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Looking for the right one you line up the world to find
Where no questions cross your mind
But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt
Much longer for you to sort it out
And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same
Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it, maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come
And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes
We'd never know what's wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same
Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it, maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come
Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you had her, maybe you lost her to another
To another
