heaven knows

Yes, it’s finally holiday for me. For this 1 miserable week. But.. it’s better than nothing. After months of madness, this holiday is going to be a nice relaxing one for me. I plan to… clean out my horrendous room, watch the movies I downloaded and stole, read some novels and just laze around a bit.

 

I’ve just ventured into Good Charlotte’s new album… Some songs are pretty good. In fact, there’s even a song that’s dedicated to God. Wow… I’m amazed. It’s a really good album. “Harlow’s Song” is very very nice..

 

Right Where I Belong

As I leave the empty station

First thing I see is the sun over the mountains

West Hastings street, anxiously waiting

That’s when I feel that God is all around me

And I don’t know where to begin

To say I’m sorry for my sins

So I collapse into your arms

I’m sorry it took me so long

Out here, for me to find my way back home

I didn’t have a reason

For when I stopped believing

But I need you to know

That I’m right where I belong

Now I see everything clearly

In the rearview

That you were right beside me

So long ago, my voice of reason

It disappeared, along with my convictions

And now I know where it begins

Accept forgiveness for my sins

And just collapse into your open arms

I’m sorry it took me so long

Out here, for me to find my way back home

I didn’t have a reason

For when I stopped believing

But I need you to know

That I’m right where I belong

If all we are is where we’ve been

Then I know where I want to be

No matter how far I drift again

You keep a light on for me

Out here, so i can find my way back home

I didn’t have a reason

For when I stopped believing

But I need you to know

That I’m right where I belong now, with you

So I’ll stay quiet in your arms

Words don’t have a meaning

There’s no use in repeating

But I need you to know

That I’m right where I belong

EXTERNAL EXAM’S TOMORROW!!! Argh~!!!

 

Counting down to the last hours before the exam. I’m thinking of how to make those hours well accounted for now. 6 subjects to study for a 4 hour continuous exam. It’s just natural that some of us will lose our minds at the end of it. The moment I’m sort of done studying my physics, I kind of think that I’ve forgotten like 40% of my anatomy. Damn… Can’t they at least separate the 2 papers??

 

Anyway… today’s the all-nighter day in order to prep up for tomorrow’s battle!! It’s either I kill the paper or I’ll be killed by the paper. RAWR~!! After that, I’m just gonna throw everything aside and enjoy my 1 week’s worth of break. Looking forward to it already… *sob sob*

Yes people, I’m blogging again. LOL!!! Sorry for the temporary abandon-ment.

 

Hmm…let’s see what has happened over the days/weeks/months…

 

Life’s been revolving a lot around academics and clinicals. Been going to clinics and hospitals a lot. Met different people in the hospital everyday. Some which are so young but are terminally ill. Some who tell me that their traditional “Kampung” medicine of some carrot juice mix helped cure his Urinary Tract Infection. Just funny stories all around and almost everytime that I’m there.

 

College’s been….err… kind of “interesting” as well. There’s a psycho in my class which I highly classify him as having bipolar disorder. My new batch of juniors just came in last week. Without a doubt… all of them are older than me. LOL!! But… half of them are doctors. So, I’m not quite sure how it’s going to turn out to be. Them trying to outsmart us seniors?? Don’t bother asking us for any advice or pointers on skill work?? Oh well… we’ll know in time.

 

Life’s been pretty boring too. Constant studying, studying and more studying. Can’t wait till my 1 week holiday next week. And by the way… my external exam is this Saturday!!! I’m a bit jittery about it. Same as I was for my internal exams. 6 papers, 6 subjects in 4 continuous hours. Total madness I tell you. The internal exam kick started with the Physics paper. I did pretty well in that. From there on, everyday went downhill…and that was a pretty steep hill. Second paper onwards was like, “the heck… I’ve never even heard of this or studied this before”. Yup… I winged 5 papers out of 6. Thankfully, I passed them all gracefully. I’m kind of hoping that I’ll do better in my external exam which is suppose to be a bit harder. I would so like to tell the external exam papers, “JUST DIE ALREADY!!”

 

And… I’m sure everyone has been pondering and waiting to see his pretty face…

It has been some time since this blog was TOUCHED!!

 

Days have been pretty busy. If my time wasn’t spent studying or going for classes or doing clinicals, they’re mostly spent either sleeping or hanging out with friends. So yup… got to get out and do stuff while I still have the capability to do so  =P

 

I recently went on a trip to Genting Highlands during the Awal Muharam holidays. Despite the freak hot weather down here in KL, Genting was surprisingly colder than I thought it would be even during the day. Didn’t do much there actually. We were mostly walking around and hanging out in the apartment. Well… the whole point of the trip was to relax and de-stress. So we did it!!

 

Back to the academics AGAIN after the holidays. Swell… I didn’t even realise that my 1 of my big exam is mid of next month!! Awesome!! That would mean that I’ve got to put in more time staring at my books. Hopefully and I’m praying that I will pass the exam with flying colours after all the constant studying.

 

Oh yes…!! I encountered another BLONDE yesterday!! And she’s in my class!! OMG!

 

While I was typing my report in the college library yesterday, not only did this FELLA shut down her computer, she turned off the main power for all the computers while she was at it. So… my screen suddenly went BLANK when I was halfway through my report. And guess what she said to me? “Oh, I’m sorry…Did I off your computer too?” (in a non-existent innocent tone). Wow… I almost wanted to give her a piece of my mind. I never knew people could be so DUMB!!!

 

I encountered another blonde while I was in Perhentian as well. Which person in their right mind would grab someone’s leg while they’re swimming?!… IN THE SEA!!… WITHOUT A LIFE JACKET!!! And there always has to be a punch line. She surfaced from the water right after and told me, “Pearly, did you see the fish I tried to show you?”. Priceless… just priceless.

The Perhentian Trip is over… Really sad that it is, but great memories remain  =)

 

Yup, I spent 3 days 2 nights in Perhentian Island. Although the hotel wasn’t much, but overall it was better than expected. I managed to not get myself burnt into the same colour as my graduation robe…which is a good thing. I went snorkelling for the first time there. Got to see some fishes and a glimpse of a baby shark! Yup, it scared the hell out of me. Especially when I went in snorkelling without my lifejacket and suddenly my friend yelled “SHARK!” underwater. According to him, I almost drowned him because of that. LOL! Unfortunately, I missed seeing turtles due to my stupid motion sickness that decided to hit me at the wrong time.

 

Although I missed watching the sunrise and the sunset there, I managed to take night strolls along the beach. Found some glowing microorganisms along the water line. Definitely a nice place to go to unwind and just relax.

 

And now… it’s back to the busy schedule once again. Been going to Hospital Tengku Ampuan Rahimah, Klang for the past few days and it’s bloody tiring!! But the experience and what I learn there is good. Found out that I really like working in the hospital. LOL!

 

It’s going to be another good weekend! Convocation dinner and Convocation is coming up! Can’t wait till I officially graduate and be officially known as a Post Grad student. HAHA!!

I took a practical assessment last friday and finally got an answer today… that I passed!! Totally went in there not prepared at all. All I know was that I was prepared to give it my best shot and do what I can. I think just going in with what you’ve got rather than purposely preparing for it would be the best thing to do. It would genuinely test your own skills and what you’re actually capable of. So now I know mine  =)

 

Anyways… a senior who recently dropped out of the last semester (part II) came back to pay his coursemates a visit before taking off to Australia tonight. And it was definitely good news to know that he could get a trainee position in Perth even without completing the part II exams. I’m more pumped up to work towards the end of this course!! Can’t wait to go overseas to work and start earning foreign currency. HAHAHAHA!!

 

I so want to do some shopping. *sob sob*

 

And yes… I’m going to do something very meaningful soon… Hehe… Will blog about it once it’s done and over with. Till then… back to the busy schedule and not to mention PERHENTIAN TRIP!!

I guess I should have done this a whole lot earlier rather than doing it now. It wasn’t easy. It felt nice, warm and comfy to just be there. But just as the sun will eventually set, all things must come to an end.

 

I’ve decided to throw it all away. To throw “us” away in whatever context and term that was previously understood. My emotions weighs down but it is something that has to be done sooner if not later.

This poor brain of mine is going to go delusional soon enough. I’m just waiting for the time that it will actually EXPLODE!!

 

Sometimes I don’t understand why… Why can’t people give me a break. Isn’t studying from 9.30am to 4.30pm ENOUGH for the day?? Isn’t teaching yourself everything and still able to pass and get a decent grade ENOUGH? Or better yet… please give me your definition of ENOUGH. Maybe it comes differently in my dictionary. And how the hell does threatening help to “motivate” someone??

 

I definitely, without a doubt, need another holiday to retrieve what is left of my so called sanity. I think I’ll use like a dustpan and a broom to sweep up the bits and pieces of what remains. Oh wait… Maybe the other better option would be to just lose it all.

Life’s been pretty hectic nowadays………..  No, I’m just kidding. But no doubt, I have lots of assignments, presentations and tests lined up every week till September. Just looking at my academic calender for this semester makes me sad.

 

Other than the same old boring stuff of studying and classes, I have much more practicals now as compared to my degree course. ALL includes ultrasound scanning. Well, the roles change from time to time. One minute I’m the sonographer, the next minute I’m the “patient”. But yes, it has been fun indeed other than the gel that is used. I’m not a big fan of that darn gel, but it’s a necessary and essential item for ultrasound scans.

 

If you are able to tell what’s in the picture, then please enrol yourself into the sonography course as soon as possible  =p

Life after uni has been great so far. The holidays I mean. Been enjoying the holidays pretty much. But sadly, I kind of miss my Uni…!! More of missing my uni friends and just being around the uni. It gives a different feeling as compared to being around my college now. Sigh… one more year to go before being pushed into the working world for good!!

 

Sad… Got some serious work to do with my course now. Weekly assessments are going to be a big pain.

I went, I saw and I came back…from Perth! It was a great holiday. Just as what I imagined it to be. And it is all thanks to my friends who are there who made it all so much fun and enjoyable. What can I say…the place and company was good.

 

Okay, okay…back to the place.

 

I landed in Perth on the 9th of June to the temperature of 8 degrees Celsius!! Can you imagine going from a place of 30 degrees to a place of 8 degrees in a few hours? It was madness initially. I was literally suffering the cold weather, shaking from within out even with 3 layers of clothes!! The 1st day was a little crazy due to the weather. Made me felt as though I was going to fall sick that instant…but it was all good. Managed to get my winter coat so it was a little better from there on. Think I was more or less okay with the weather after the 1st day. In fact, I kind of liked the cold weather as compared to the hot and humid weather back here.

 

So… 1st night in Perth… I had the biggest burger I’ve seen by far in Jus Burgers. Haha… It was seriously huge; or at least they’re huge to me. Obviously, it tasted good! Seriously, almost all the food there tasted awesome, not to mention that the portions are big and really worth your money.

 

Yup, they all look good don’t they?  =D

 

So… I managed to visit Fremantle, Swan Valley and a few beaches. The nougat factory, chocolate factory, winery and honey farm was in Swan Valley. The beaches there are to die for too. The water is crystal clear that you’re able to see the fishes and even mini jelly fishes!! Unlike “somewhere”, the beaches there are very clean and well taken care of.

With much thanks to…

Rachie    

and Ryan

For more photos…please go to facebook  =p 

I read this book which I’ve actually gotten quite some time ago. It entitles, “101 Really Important Things You Already Know, But Keep Forgetting”. Definitely a worthy read…

 

Here’s the 101 things  =)

 

1. You don’t have to know the secret to life to enjoy it

2. Being reasonable wins you the booby prize

3. Life is tough – but then again, compared to what?

4. Happiness doesn’t care how you get there

5. Life’s a breeze when you work as hard as simplifying it as you do at complicating it

6. Predict your failures and you will be a highly successful prophet

7. The pain of unfulfilled dreams can be the worst ache you ever experience

8. Extraordinary things are accomplished by ordinary people

9. Overnight success only happens in fairy tales, trashy novels and bad movies

10. To know and not to do is not yet to know

11. Always expect the unexpected because the only certain thing is uncertainty

12. Too much safety is dangerous

13. You can observe a lot just by watching

14. Don’t mess around with reality and reality won’t mess around with you

15. Excuses and blame won’t make a bit of difference in your life

16. What is the most difficult to accomplish is the sweetest to remember

17. Self-pity costs you nothing and it’s worth just as much

18. If something is boring you, it’s probably you

19. Most worry is totally useless

20. Procrastinate and keep up with yesterday

21. There’s no point in buying expensive socks if you can never find them

22. Book smart does not mean life smart

23. Time is not money; it is worth much more – spend it wisely

24. Watching a lot of television won’t add to the quality of your life

25. The main purpose of life is to live a life of purpose

26. People are only human – if they weren’t, life would be different

27. Choose your friends wisely – quality instead of quantity

28. Never overestimate you ability to change others

29. Giving advice means either losing or breaking even

30. Don’t walk away from negative people, RUN!

31. Hand around with a bunch of blunders and you will be one in due time

32. There’s insanity on both sides of the debate when you argue with an idiot

33. The best way to impress people is by not trying to impress them

34. Nice people are often not good people and good people are often not nice people

35. Everyone, including you and me, is selfish

36. When someone fails to keep a commitment, there is 95 percent chance that it will happen again

37. Good deeds are seldom remembered, bad deeds are seldom forgotten

38. The surest way to failure is trying to please everyone

39. It’s easier to stay out of trouble than to get out of trouble

40. Don’t take it personally; they’re probably doing it to everyone else

41. The more important it is, the less chance that anybody is going to do it for you

42. With a bad attitude you can miss out on a lot of the good things life has to offer

43. Belief is a disease

44. Beware of experts’ predictions, especially about the future

45. Wise people learn more from fools than fools learn from wise people

46. Be careful with you heroes; don’t put them on pedestals

47. It doesn’t cost much to be kind, but it can be very costly being too kind

48. Admit your mistakes and you will make fewer of them

49. Being right at all costs is like being a dead hero – there’s no payoff

50. Smart minds ask dumb questions

51. Only fools are afraid to be fools

52. Your past is always going to be the way it was – so stop trying to change it!

53. If your house is on fire, warm yourself by it

54. The best revenge is to live well

55. It’s never too late to learn something new and improve yourself

56. You are the biggest cause of problems in your life

57. Many of the things you want will give you more problems than they are worth

58. You ain’t going to solve the problem if you don’t identify it properly

59. You can change the quality of your life by changing the context in which you view your circumstances

60. The severity of your problems is a matter of perspective and that makes most of them insignificant

61. No one can give you wiser advice than yourself

62. What will keep you from getting what you want is not knowing what you want

63. You aren’t going to get what you want unless you ask for it

64. If you don’t find time for exercise, you will have to find time for illness

65. A walk or run in nature is the best medicine for many of your ailments

66. There is no shortcut to being fit and trim

67. Your expectations cause you the most disappointment in your life

68. There is no one big deal in life that will save your hide

69. The world doesn’t owe you or anyone else a living

70. When money is not your servant, it becomes your master

71. Compromising your integrity for money, power, fame, or love will come back to haunt you

72. A big pile of money will do just as much to cure your unhappiness as a small pile

73. You can never get enough of what you don’t really need or want

74. Want what you have and you will always get what you what

75. The good life is not all that it is cracked up to be

76. Practice moderation in excess because too much of a good thing can be a bad thing

77. Nothing satisfies a greedy mind

78. You are already rich and live in luxury

79. The cheaper the activity, the greater the fun

80. There is more to positive thinking than just thinking positive thoughts

81. Life isn’t fair and it will continue to be that way

82. You are a millionaire; your creativity makes it so

83. If patience is just the art of concealing your impatience, you better be very good at it

84. To put more time in your life, don’t rush. Slow down instead

85. Try to accomplish too much and you will accomplish little

86. Even the simplest task can be meaningful if you do it in the right spirit

87. Stop trying so hard to be happy and watch the good times roll

88. Set all your seriousness aside because life is a laughing matter

89. It’s easier to ride a horse in the direction it’s going

90. The important thing is not what others think of you, but what you think of you

91. Keep breathing! You never know when life may be worth living again

92. You can’t make a big difference in this world unless you are different

93. You must be home when opportunity knocks

94. What is valuable invariably comes with a price, usually bigger than you think

95. A genius is someone with more persistence than you

96. Perfection is a refuge of idiots

97. Being successful at work is irrelevant if you are a failure at home

98. All you can experience is the now, so why aren’t you there?

99. Spontaneity is too valuable to be left unplanned

100. Look inside and you will find more outside

101. A full, happy and satisfying life is not dependent upon how long you live, but how well you live

My final results is finally out. And it seems as though my finals just ended last week or something. Hmm… Uni being more diligent and efficient maybe?? In a way, it’s good.

 

Results……..

 

 

Results……..

 

 

Oh results……..

 

 

I don’t know how exactly to describe my results. I almost made it into the Dean’s list this last semester…but… it’s not enough to give me what I want at the end. So how am I suppose to conclude it?? I have no freaking idea. But I know now that if I really put effort into doing it, I can make it. And the bottom line is… I’m officially cleared for graduation. No more degree. Post grad diploma coming soon though. Hopefully I’ll still have that kind of momentum that I had for my this last semester to study for my diploma. If not….consequences will be hilarious. LOL

 

 

Anyway… Perth… I will be invading you soon  =p

Holidays…has been good so far. Kind of enjoying the extra free time and going out whenever I want to. Been keeping myself moving for the past few days. Met up with some friends, went hiking again…  =)

Got to enjoy the little things (Zombieland, 2009)  =p

I’m also slowly cleaning up my room bit by bit. LOL… I’ve just gotten around to clearing my table. Have yet to clear up my shelves, notes and books for my new Programme coming soon.

 

Hike up Broga Hill was once again good. Managed to show myself that my stamina has improved a bit as compared to last time. Still need to work on my stamina as how I’ve planned. Trying to get back into the “fit” state I once was in. Current stamina level is just downright embarrassing  =p

 

Anyway…here’s some pics from my 2nd hike up Broga. Only managed to go up to the 1st peak this time but I think it was still good  =)

And last but not least, my favourite pic of that day  =)

Definitely want to go back there again and make it to all the 4 peaks the next time around.          

Yes, I’m suppose to be on my long awaited holiday now. But I’m more or less rotting at home and at the same time trying to do those things which I didn’t had the time to do previously…which I just come to realise that it’s not much  =p

 

My next move to entertain myself at home…download and watch movies which I’ve missed while I was busy being a nerd. Indulging in songs is right on top of my list as well. Going to do some songs hunting once again. Can’t get enough of good music  =)

 

For those who love music too, try out Lifehouse’s new album. Got a number of pretty cool songs in there.

 

“too long we’ve been denying, now we’re both tired of trying,

we hit a wall and we can’t get over it

nothing to relive, it’s water under the bridge,

you said it, I get it, I guess it is what it is”

 

“everytime I reach for you, there’s no one to hold on to,

nothing left for me to miss, I’m letting go, letting go of this,

lost my mind thinking it through, the light inside has left me too,

now I know what empty is, I’ve had enough, had enough of this”

Today… is the day… that I finish my last degree paper!! Yes, I’m rejoicing…inside  =P  A bit too tired and emotionless due to the lack of sleep to actually jump for joy now. But yeah, although the paper was rather “sucky”, I’m just glad it’s finally over. Now I’m just praying that I don’t have to repeat any subjects *touch wood*.

 

Now, let’s move on to holidays… hehe… But, my holidays will only last for 1 month or so. 3 weeks in Malaysia and 1 week in Perth, Australia. *wootz~!!* After that, back to studying again. Yeah, as many do not know yet, I got a scholarship to study a Post Grad Diploma in Sonography a.k.a. Ultrasound. So I’ll have another 1 year of studies left before heading out into the working world. I wonder if that is a good thing or a bad thing. But one thing’s for sure, this scholarship better be worth it ‘cause I turned down 4 job offers in my own field for this thing!! ARGH~!!! It is still frustrating to me to turn down those offers. But in a way, I know that I’m capable of being hired. HAHA!!! =P

 

And… let me “enlighten” those who think that it’s all about the grades to get a job or a good job. I’m telling you, through my experience of going through job interviews and such, it doesn’t matter how good your grades are. At the end of the day, it’s your skills and applications that matter. Go to an interview with a blank head and you’ll come back empty handed as well. You can be smart on paper, but it all comes to how smart you’re going to make yourself seem during an interview. For fields such as mine, Biomedical Science, I even got a mini-test during 1 of my interview sessions. LOL… It’s all about knowing and remembering what you studied. And let me tell you the next best thing… STUDENT COUNCIL LEADERS ARE HIGHLY SOUGHT AFTER EVEN IF YOU DON’T GO BACK TO YOUR OWN FIELD OF STUDY.  And that is the truth.

 

So, all the best to those who are out searching for jobs and going for interview. Please remember to bring along some “INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATIONS” skills with you.

 

And that almost about wraps up my 3 years of Biomedical Science degree  =)

As quoted by Edna, I’ve finally signed the divorce papers with my Final Year Project and thesis. Should I jump for joy?? Of course I’m jumping for joy!! All those nights staying up to work on perfecting my thesis… it better pay off. LOL

 

Finals are coming next week. My preparations are half hanging still and I do feel like hanging myself at the same time. But then again… this is the last time I’ll be sitting for these sort of things. So, got to suck it up no matter what.

 

On an entirely separate note…

 

I do find things to be slightly more complicated now than they used to be. I often ponder on whether it is because I made them that way or it just spontaneously happened. I’m rather clueless about it myself. I even find it hard to define or explain how I feel and why I feel that way nowadays. Signs of psychosis or bipolar disorder maybe???

I have finally come to the end of writing my thesis. Yay~!!!! Yup, I officially finished the contents and main chapters at 5am this morning. And since I’ll have to be preparing myself for uni at 6am, I decided to stay awake anyway and torture myself with gastric.

 

My thesis was like my one and only hope left to pull up my grades this semester. That’s why I was crunching and scrutinizing it so badly. Finishing my thesis gave me a slight liberation. Although I’ve still got minor grammar corrections, at least the main text is done and I don’t need to crack my brains and eyes to hunt, print and read journals anymore. But I think I still need to a bit for my presentation next week. After next week, my final year project would officially come to a close and then it would be FINALS time.

 

I went for my 1st job interview yesterday and I think it went pretty well. At least I wasn’t one of those who couldn’t answer on how to do a blood grouping test. Haha… The answer just popped up from the back of my head. Amazing… But yeah, I’ll still have to wait for their confirmation whether they “want” me or not. I’m still considering that company though. Working hours are crazy. So… more like a 50-50 chance.

 

Anyways… time to go uni soon and probably caffeinate myself to stay awake the whole day. Last test tomorrow to wrap up all the midterms for the semester. Now you see how “sad” it is that almost everything is coming to an end?? Lol… up to your interpretation…

Yup… in a blink of an eye or maybe 2 eyes, the semester is almost coming to an end since now it’s already Week 11. Which means that the Grand Finale of Biomedical Science May ‘10 is approaching. I don’t know if I should be scared or relieved. LOL… but all in all, it was a good run.

 

My tutorial group had our convocation pictures taken last Thursday. Introducing, group 3 of Biomedical Science Graduating batch of May ‘10.

Well, it’s back to the streak of tests again. 4-5 more tests to go before the finals… last stretch of the race  =)

Yet another hectic week. It didn’t seem too hectic at first during the start of the week…till Wednesday came and I started to panic for my test. The funny thing was, I didn’t think that sleep and panic would go together, but they did eventually. LOL… I overslept and didn’t manage to finish reading the syllabus covered in the test. Another brilliant stunt which I haven’t tried pulling and this would be the first and hopefully the last.

 

Ok…the symposium last Sunday…

The waiting part was gruesome. Watching other participants getting shot by the panel of judges was pretty intimidating. All the UTAR participants got their equal share of getting shot down. So did I. But I got more of comments rather than questions. Pretty productive and beneficial I would say. Those comments gave me some pointers to include and improve my thesis. Hehe… So it’s all good. LOL

 

I got to meet up with some old friends this week. Met up with Zhao for lunch and movie, and also met up with Li Shan and May Yee after so long. I was quite happy to see them again and to talk about old times and also catch up on what we’re all doing now. Makes me feel old since we have so many old stories to tell each other. Haha… But it was good. Had a good time with both company. It’ll be good to do it again soon but with others as well.

 

I just realised that I sort of swamped myself with work. I scheduled too many things to be done and completed in a short period of time in order to buy more time for upcoming events. Hmm… is it a smart move or a bad move?? ‘Cause I’m barely getting sleep.

 

Speaking of sleep… I find that I’d rather stay awake nowadays than to sleep. No doubt I feel tired and drained and my brain is fried, but I would try to stay awake the best I can with minimum sleep. Yeah, I’m trying to adopt the “I can sleep when I’m dead” concept. I’m not too sure how it is working for me though. Should be getting more work done that way. And the whole point was to kill my brains so that it would not function to think of unnecessary stuff. It’s good to numb it all…

The weekend is approaching… which means that the Symposium is almost here!! I’m literally terrified of that thing. Seriously. I term it my public humiliation day. I’m just praying hard that it’s going to go fine and that I won’t get shot down by the panel with their intelligent questions.

 

Other than that… same ol’ same old. In and out of classes everyday. Assignments, thesis, reports…the usual. With all this going on, I find myself resorting to “happy” songs in hopes to cheer myself up at the end of the day or in between things. My definition of “happy” songs would be songs whose lyrics are of hope, being happy, about life…stuff like that. Most importantly, the music must be good too. Essential for a music junkie like me. LOL… And they’re SUPPOSE to CHEER me up. Whether they actually work… that’s another question right there.

 

Over time… I find that ignorance to certain matters can be pretty stupid as it doesn’t help to alleviate the problem at all. Dumping it aside only allows it to set in with time and then, the full effects gradually shows. In fact, I’m kind of missing it more than usual. Mind over emotions?? Can we really?? Definite subjective matter…

It has been a pretty long week although time passed in a blink of an eye.

 

Yup, time do tend to pass faster when you’re piled up with work and study plans. In fact, 24 hours never seem enough. Always wishing for more time to cramp in that extra study time or to finish up assignments and reports…or to SLEEP!!

 

Back to the topic about this whole week… now that the week is at its end…

I had 2 tests scheduled for this week. Initially, they were on Wednesday and Friday. Friday’s paper was obviously much easier to study for, so the one day gap wasn’t such a bad idea. Then… came the news on Tuesday that Wednesday’s test was postponed to Thursday. Which doesn’t leave me much time to study for Friday’s paper. Yes, I managed to put myself into that kind of stupid situation…always. But yeah… I studied for both subjects anyway, with minimum time allocated for sleep…let’s say, about 3-4 hours a day or night (day: refers to the accumulated hours of sleep during that day)?? I’ve been depending on caffeine (either in tea or coffee) to keep my mind and my body awake and moving. So… I was pretty much sleep deprived throughout the week.

 

Then… I went for another Wii party yesterday. Obviously I went in my “sleep deprived” mode. Although the test on Friday was in the morning and that was my only class, but I killed time by working on my assignment, having lunch with friends and fixing my car. I was still working on my Project Presentation when I was in my friend’s place. Now I feel like a typical workaholic. LOL… Half true. The work never stops and never ends.

 

Note: All this stress and workload has rendered my brains less efficient. It explains why I ended up answering my friend’s phone in an upside-down manner. Priceless…

 

Next week… Will be dread-filled fear-filled. My presentation is next weekend!! I can feel my stomach flipping over and doing cartwheels everytime I think about it. Plus, I have to put in time to study for my tests again… ARGH~!!!

 

DREAMLAND/LA-LA LAND… I’M SO SORRY THAT MY VISITING HOURS WILL BE EXTENSIVELY SHORTENED FOR AT LEAST A FEW MORE WEEKS

 

Best news I’ve received so far this week… My one and only class on Monday has been cancelled for the coming week. Which means… unofficial holiday. Which also means… extra time to do my stuffs. But doesn’t mean… that I have more time to sleep or waste away. Interesting…

Yes!! Yesterday was officially sway/sial day.

 

Firstly…

My endurance was being rebellious and refused to listen to the host/owner. Thus, I decided to stop at the 2nd peak of Broga Hill. Such a let down as compared to the hike during Gunung Datuk. But the view and overall climb/walk was great and refreshing. As expected…loads of people were there when it was about 6/7-ish. Literally crowded.

 

Second…

I opened my email after coming back from Broga… then I saw… the email from the Biomed club of UPM. My ‘forced’ entry of my project into the Symposium that they’re organizing has been accepted. WHAT THE CRAP!!!! How could my simple and messy work be accepted?! Now I have to prepare for the presentation/public humiliation session on March 14. Just when I was discussing with the other 2 students who were also ‘forced’ to enter about this… saying that we don’t hope to get it. In the end… sigh…

 

Third…

I went out for a late dinner with my family. Went to one usual shop that we always go to. And… I saw “the b******” there with his family. And it made me remember all the littlest, stupidest moments that I had last time.

 

It was definitely SWAY/SIAL day yesterday. Hope today and the coming weeks will be better…

And as it comes swifting in, it drowns me… it always does

 

My eyes are painted red

The canvas on my soul

Is slowly breaking down, again

Today I heard the news

The story’s getting old

When will we see the end

Of the days, we bleed, for what we need

To forgive, forget, move on

Cause we’ve got

 

One life to live

One love to give

One chance to keep from falling

One heart to break

One soul to take us

Not forsake us

Only one

Only one

 

The writings one the wall

Of those who came before

Left pictures frozen still, in time

You say you want it all

But whose side you’re fighting for

I sit and wonder why

There are night, we sleep, while others they weep

With regret, repent, be strong

Cause we’ve got

 

One life to live

One love to give

One chance to keep from falling

One heart to break

One soul to take us

Not forsake us

Only one

The week of the Chinese New Year holidays is coming to an end…more like a screeching end. I’m undecided whether I’d prefer the holidays or for the semester to start again so that everything would be done faster. Eventhough it’s CNY, there’s still lots of things to do… assignments, report, thesis, and…catching up on the syllabus for tests. Such a pain… Sleeping doesn’t help to remove my dark circles anymore. How sad…

 

I was fine when I woke up today. Till I bent over to touch my dog and suddenly I felt the nice “twist/sprain” happening to my neck. Thus, I now have a stiff neck which is highly irritating. But… I went for badminton anyways with the painful neck and agitated it more when I was playing. Felt totally “great”… especially when I got charged at and rammed again by the same person.

 

***

 

Hmm… I once thought that that chapter has closed. Only to learn that it doesn’t always close completely. It’s like a darn virus… although it’s not active and causing you all the nonsense, it doesn’t mean that it’s not there either. It’s probably in a dormant state, waiting for the right time to cause another round of nonsense till it gets the best of you.

 

I have… stopped trying to make sense of things or even trying to reason out as to why some things happen. Just keep saying that “yeah, it’ll all be ok, it’s alright. no worries about it”. Really??? I, as the first person of the picture, have no idea/clue what-so-ever. But… I can safely say that this is as far as it goes and I’m done trying.

 

“Light up, light up

As if you have a choice

Even if you cannot hear my voice

I’ll be right beside you, dear

Louder, louder

And we’ll run for our lives

I can hardly speak, I understand

Why you can’t raise your voice to say…”

I drank coffee for the 1st time on Tuesday in order to keep my mind awake and eyes open. Although the coffee effect is not as bad as effect of tea, but it did its job initially. Had my 1st can of coffee in the morning before class and it turned out fine. Then, I decided that I should have another can of coffee before I drive back so that I’m awake and well enough to drive. Drive home was swift as usual, with minimal “fishing” moments. But… 30minutes after reaching home, I literally was trembling from the inside out and I felt a bit hyper although I’m dead tired. LOL

 

Caffeine has a rather prominent and significant effect on me, I would say. Tea especially, causes me to do and say all sorts of weird stuff. Some call it “being high”. Yup… For example, after drinking 2 cups of tea on Monday morning to keep me awake, I started writing nonsense like replacing the word “anxious” with “anxions”. Then… my brain registered the word “thought” as “otot”. Hilarious indeed. And… I’m capable of laughing like crazy for about 15 minutes. That’s the wonderful effects of tea/caffeine.

I had a very interesting lecture on Culture today in Interpersonal Communications class.

 

We’ve always perceived culture as literally, “different race, different religion, different origin, different culture”. Well, today I learnt that it’s much more than that. Culture is not a measurement of a race or religion. Circumstances, background, media influences, etc., all play a role in moulding our individual culture. And yeah, everyone has their own individual and different culture. What people have been doing all the while is called stereotyping, which is classifying people of similar race or religion or origin into categories of similar characteristics or tradition.

 

I couldn’t agree more with the facts and points which have been highlighted today. It’s happening everyday in everyone’s life whether we like it or not, it’s unavoidable. To date, I really think that circumstances and events have made me a more evil and cruel person than I was before. Of course, those who don’t see those “events” won’t understand why. Even if you tell a person that you understand how they feel at that moment, do you really?? Especially when you’re not put in that situation. But I think it’s alright… If everyone were able to understand everything that has been thrown to them, there wouldn’t be challenges would there?

 

So yeah… I’m experiencing culture shock almost everyday. As quoted in my notes…

 

“First stage: You’ll still be comfortable with the new ambiguities around and find them interesting.

Second stage: Those new ambiguities will start to bother you and you’ll start feeling uncomfortable and probably frustrated

Third stage: You start learning to accept and adapt to the new changes

Fourth stage: Although those ambiguities are new to you, you have learned to accept it and are now comfortable with it”

***

I’m no longer capable of finding that same room in me to cry anymore. That feeling of fear is just gone…

 

But drenched in vanilla twilight

I’ll sit on the front porch all night

Waist-deep in thought because

When I think of you I don’t feel so alone

I had one of the craziest weekend ever last week. I thought my weekend would be spent doing reports, assignments and also my thesis. But no… it was filled with a whole bunch of crazy and interesting stuff. So much for being a nerd.

 

Saturday

Went through the whole week thinking that I have the Saturday morning free to myself. I conveniently forgot about the Postgraduate Seminar in the morning. LOL… But I made it there after remembering it on Friday.

 

Overall, it was an informative seminar. Roughly got the information that I needed.

 

Then the day was followed up with Church service and dinner.

 

Sunday

One of the most packed days that I’ve had with back-to-back plans.

 

My ex-SRC group came down to Subang to have a fun day out and decided to crash my house early in the morning. LOL… Had breakfast together then we hit pyramid for ice skating, followed by lunch and bowling. Everyone was expecting me to fall down since I’ve never ice skate before. Unfortunately, my roller blade skills came in handy. Haha!! Managed to prevent myself from falling and looking like a noob. Quite a good experience although the skates were killing my feet and gave me an invisible bruise. Good job skates.

 

Later that day, I went for dinner with my family since it was my dad’s birthday. Had a nice dinner although there wasn’t many food selections for the buffet. But no doubt, the food was good. I reminded myself to stay away from the raw oysters also since I’ve done my research on CHOLERA. Lol… The lemon is a must for raw oysters… remember that. Haha

 

After dinner, I shot off to a friend’s birthday party. Even though I was late and missed literally everything, but I think being there to wish her and staying for a while means a lot to me. =)

 

Monday

Had my first ever hiking experience in Gunung Datuk. Almost killed myself by climbing the last stretch of rocks and boulders. Really looked like a suicide mission. Haha… But it was all good. Managed to overcome the fear of heights for that brief moment although I didn’t go all the way up to the very top.

 

The hike up was crazy. I didn’t expect it to be that strenuous especially to my knees. Really felt my knee injury when hiking up. But I got the ultimate satisfaction by reaching the highest landing before climbing the boulders. Definitely an achievement for myself since my stamina and physical fitness is ancient.

 

Coming down was initially easy as I could skip the steps to take the weight strain off my knees. It was so nice after the halfway mark though. The terrain was rougher so skipping through it would be a pretty bad idea. That was when the other knee injury kicked in. If my knees were machines, they’re way past their maintenance period and needs some serious change of parts or literally a new machine.

 

All in all, it was a good experience. Would definitely like to try it again but with a different location. But I doubt it’ll be soon because old physical junks like mine needs major recuperating and it takes darn long. LOL

 

***

 

At the moment, my work is piling up by the day. Amount of things needed to study too. Guess I need to savour these outings and fun times whenever I can before I’m unable to make it to them anymore soon.

 

It is in times like these that I really hope I know what I’m doing. It’s probably going to sting but the consequences are suppose to be beneficial. Everything has its own price I guess. We just need to evaluate whether it’s worth paying or not.

Yup, I have a tendency to blog at the oddest times of the day. Go figure why…

 

It’s only the 2nd academic week and work is already piling up and I’m lacking sleep. Reports, assignments and my thesis… such a pain. Just yesterday, I felt my resolve and determination level rising. I think they just fell back down again.

 

Talking about yesterday… I went for this postgraduate seminar in the morning. It was boring… no doubt, in the beginning. But the group session was somewhat informative. Got to learn and know more about the countries that I’m thinking of going to for work or studies in the future. Currently, 2 places sound pretty good to me: Australia and New Zealand.

 

Aus: Friends are there, probable job prospect, MIGHT enjoy life there… hmm…

NZ: Definitely a place I’ve been wanting to go and spend some time of my life there, good job prospect for my field I think, slow paced life…

 

Tough decision to make, but I doubt I’ll be making it soon.

I barely got 4 hours of sleep in last night/early this morning. And now, I’m about to repeat the same thing again although I have a long day ahead tomorrow.

 

Although I feel tired and somewhat exhausted, I still don’t feel like shutting my eyes to just doze off into dreamland. Maybe because I never do reach there. I always fall in between… I guess.

 

I’ve been working and trying extremely hard to make my thesis look and sound good. But how good it actually is, is still doubtful. I know I doubt it. I can barely get my head straight to focus for 1 hour without my thoughts breaking up somewhere in the middle. It can be frustrating ‘cause that would mean that I have to trace my thoughts back IF I manage to. Although my dateline is 2 days away for my thesis and I THINK I’ll be able to make the dateline, I still feel rather indifferent when I’m suppose to be either stressed or relieved.

 

And now… I wish the silence would break. Currently still pondering as to what I should do or should not do. Time is closing in…

On days where things just aren’t all that happy-go-lucky or smooth, I personally think the songs by Owl City are uplifting enough for the spirit… at least for me… in terms of the melody that is. Among their songs which come from the only 2 albums they have so far…

 

Fireflies

I’d like to make myself believe

That planet Earth turns slowly

It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep

‘Cause everything is never as it seems

 

Vanilla Twilight

When violet eyes get brighter

And heavy wings grow lighter

I’ll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I’ll forget the world that I knew

But I swear I won’t forget you

Oh if my voice could reach back through the past

I’d whisper in your ear

Oh darling I wish you were here

 

Rainbow Veins

Cheer up and dry your damp eyes and tell me when it rains
And I’ll blend up that rainbow above you and shoot it through your veins
’Cause your heart has a lack of colour and we should’ve known

That we’d grow up sooner or later ‘cause we wasted all our free time alone

 

And my personal favourite…

 

The Saltwater Room

Time together is just never quite enough

When you and I are alone

I never felt so at home

What will it take to make or break this hint of love?

We need time, only time

When we’re apart whatever are you thinking of?

If this is what I call home

Why does it feel so alone?

So tell me darling

Do you wish we’d fall in love?

All the time, all the time

 

On another note altogether…

I have forcefully and successfully finished 3 chapters of my thesis. Now there’s 2 more to go and the abstract. This is so depressing. *blegh~!!* This week better end soon and smoothly ‘cause I sure am not looking forward to it no thanks to my thesis dateline. At the end of this week, or rather by Friday, let’s hope that I’m able to breathe again.

I do seriously think that trouble/nonsense finds me wherever I go. Like literally… even when I don’t go looking for it or asking for it. It just miraculously pops up to visit me like friends do.

 

I found out on Thursday, that my car got hit by something or someone without me knowing. Yup, I was INFORMED of the huge dent in my back bumper by my mom while I was halfway sleeping. But, I do suspect that IT came from Uni. So… sigh… another thing to put money into to fix. If it was my fault, I wouldn’t mind putting in money to fix it at all. But this?! It’s just plain ridiculous.

 

Then… I was also INFORMED on Thursday that I have to submit my thesis into an intervarsity science symposium. Now… here’s the beauty of it. I have to submit my abstract and thesis to my lecturer by next Thursday when I’ve only completed half of my thesis with 2 more chapters to go and the abstract. The 2 remaining chapters is actually the results and discussion…which is the main body of the abstract. Bummer…

 

Nowadays, I tend to slow down MORE on the road and also be more patient thanks to 2 people who have advised me to be more patient. Yeah, so I drive more carefully. But, me driving more carefully doesn’t mean that I don’t get into an “almost accident” situation. I’ve been experiencing for the past few days on the highway, people who are TRYING to get me into an accident. I have nuts who instead of breaking gradually, just literally step on the brakes to come to a sudden stop while being somewhat a far distance from the car in front of them. Then, I have too, lorries that just swerve into my lanes without signalling and they’re pretty close to scratching my car. And there are idiots who do not understand the meaning of jams and hit the brakes really awesomely late on a rainy day that they skid to a halt at the back of my car, and… I have to move in front and to the side a little just to prevent them from hitting me. Yup, MALAYSIAN drivers are GREAT drivers.

 

Remember when we’re kids, parents would always tell you to stay out of trouble?? Well… although I do get the same thing, I beg to differ. You have got to tell trouble to stop hunting me down.

I just found out that I have misinterpreted my thesis dateline all this while. Instead of it being the 3rd week of January, it’s actually the 3rd week of the semester. And… I’ve been stressing and rushing for it… all for… nothing!!! Stupidity…

 

And… I just discovered Windows Live Writer that enables the user to write blogs instead of going to the website itself. Lol… I feel mentally slow now. Haha…

Few more days before returning to the final lap of my degree race. Crucial lap indeed.

Anyways... I've just finished watching the 1st season of The Vampire Diaries. Not too bad although it has lots of similarities to Twilight. Not too many characters/actors to drool over. Lol.. But the soundtrack is surprisingly good. Discovered few songs which are worth indulging into =)

Besides that... one young singer to look out for... Allison Iraheta from American Idol Season 8.

Don't turn away
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Don't be afraid
But keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard for the belle of the boulevard

And so the New Year has dawned on me. I remember telling a friend that my spontaneous resolution would be to do lesser stupid stuff and to reduce getting myself into stupid situations. But... my spontaneous resolve was broken on the 1st day of New Year's itself by accident.

The last semester is almost here. I'm not ready to head back to my books yet though I have to. Maybe they're the perfect remedy to drown into. Hmm....

I just realised that I do not have many/any plans for this year. But, I have a lot of questions and doubts. Isn't it suppose to be "A New Year, A New Start" kind of thing?? I'm going to stop believing in New Years and in many more things sooner than I think.